Life — December 15, 1898 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

He: 1s ey ute yet wire? S10; WELL, AS HE MARRIED MER AGAIN AFTER DIVORCING HER, SHE 18 WHAT YOU MIOUT CALL M118 FIRST WIFE ONCE REMOVED. aroseas to what the wedding presont was to be, and frequent and prolonged were the dis- cussions upon the subject between tho contracting parties. It was agreed that something alive was tho first essential. But what? Tho children bad a dog and a bird; and, after sleepless nights of thought and conference, they decided unanimously upon a donkey. Thoro was a donkey of their acquaintance who they thought was for sale, and ho would be just the thing. But here came the first hiteb, There was trouble at once, The father of the children objected decidedly to the donkey. It was all very well, ho said, for the bride and the groom to buy the donkey; that could be accomplished easily for four or fivo guineas, and there tho matter would end —for them, But ho would have to keep the beast, to buy a saddle for it, and a cart, and, no doubt, he would have to pay doc- tor’s bills for broken collar-bones and cbil- dren's fractured legs. And tears were shed, and bitter were tho protests made. They had been promised the donkey; they had set thoir hearts on the donkey; they had even gone to the donkey himself and told bim all about it, and he was as glad as they were, Ho had let them rub bis nose, and pull bis ears, and examino his hoofs, He wasa very nice, goutle donkey, and they had both been on bis back together, and he nover kicked ; and they didn’t care for bar- . ness oracart, anyway ; and they'd feed him 515 and groom him themselves, And they knew ho was glad, for he “as good as said 80.” And the donkey they wanted, and nothing else, Finally, after much more discussion, and much persuasion, and moro sleepless nights, and many tears, a compromise was arrived at. The bride and the groom, after careful study of the question, after reading the court news in all the current society papers, had fortunately discovered before it was too late that donkeys were not tho style that year; that donkeys in the high- est circles wore altogether out of fashion, The young Princes and Princesses of Wales bad given up donkeys. Donkeys wero never seen ac Marlborough House nor in Hyde Park, Donkeys were nothing but cuddies, anyway, and vulgar at best, No- body but costermongers had donkeys now- adays, and they called them cuddles and mokes, Funcy tho villago children calling their pet a moke ora cuddy! Now, the guinea pig bad a refined Latin name— Cavia Aperea—and the guinea pig, more- over, was all the rage in America and upon the Continent, as well as in England; and besides, there could be but a single donkey, while guinea pigs invariably went in pairs, That settled it. Two guinea pigs were more than one donkey. And guinea pigs it was to be. Tho guinea pigs, tawny individuals who could break no bones, came down from Waiteley's in London by parcel post, in a neat little green box of their own—right side up, with care, Acomfortableand com- modious house was built for them in the garden; they had the run of tho lawn; they did not seem to mind being mauled and kissed, They woro evidently twins, looking very much alike, But the chil- dren knew them apart, and they were im- mediately named Eleanor and Laurence, after tho bride and the groom, . Some months later, when tho bride and tho groom returned to the Worcestershire village after a trip to northern Italy and the south of France, their first question, naturally, was in regard to tho welfare of tho guinea pigs. It was evident at once that something unusual had happened. The boy was silent but greatly excited, and upon the girl's face there was a curious admixture of pride and distress, She wanted to tell the news, and she was afraid to tell the news; she was pleased, but at the same time she was mortified and sad, At last she explained it all. Eleanor had dug a hole under the garden wall, and had runned away. And Laurence had kittens! Laurence Hutton. MAN can do much good, if he cares not who gets the praise. comicbooks.com