Life — December 3, 1898 — page 36: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

SENATOR Bares of Tennessee told me an anecdote of Colonel Tom Sumter that I have never seen In print, Sumter was a giant of a fellow, with a voice like» fog-born, It ts said his “holler could be heard for mites. On one occasion when he Was off on a foray, the Tories came and captured his wife, Molly, and stripped the plantation of everything. When * Old Tom * came home and found Molly gone his rage knew hering together such for put after the Tortes. He overtook them on the third day, and hung about until midnight, Then he deployed his forces around the camp, and told them to await his orders to Ore. He was afraid of Molly being shot in the mélée, so when be got everything ready he opened his big mouth and let out a yell that fairly made the earth tremble. “Lay down, Molly! Lay down, Molly!" and Molly, recognizing those stentorian tones, fell prove on her face, and after the last “Lay down, Molly.” came the command, “ Fire and charge." Molly was recaptured without being burt. —Ezchange, no bounds, Tux magician was making @ one-night stand ina little Jersey town. He had been performing for an hour, and had bis aud’ence in good humor. Itwas “ with him” in every. thing, and when be pulled the bad boy of the town up on the stage @ general laugh followed. * Are you sure, my Ind, that all your pockets are empty ?*" he asked. “quite sure, sir," answered the youngster, “for the rabbit dat'you put tn me coat before de show got away.” —Phitndetphia Catt. AN English paper says that the bat of @ certain short- sighted master at Eton blew off one day, and as he started in pursuit @ black hen dashed out of the gateway. The schoolmaster saw the hep and thought It was his hat, and all Eton was electrified by the spectacle of a hatless and breath- less reverend man hunting # black hen from one end of the street to the other.—Argonant, es as he could, he , “ Yesrenpay," said Jabson, “I refused a poor woman a request for a small sam of money, and {n consequence of my act I passed a sleepless night. The tones of her voice were ringing in my ears the whole time." “Your softness of heart does you credit," sald Mabson; “who was the woman?" “My wife."— Vanity Pair. Tux Scotch reverence for Gladstone ts displayed in this conversation between two Scotchmen. One of them sald, with much emphasis: “There hasna been a lawgiver equal to Mr. Gladstone since the days of Moses.” Moses! retorted the other; “Moses got the law gien the him free the Lord, but Mr. Gladstone maks laws out o' his aln heed."—Ezchange. Teasing Faiexp: What makes that new baby at your house ery so much, Tommy? Tomay (indignantly): It don't cry so very much; and, anyway, If all your teeth were out, and your halr off, and your legs so Weak you couldn't stand on them, I fancy you'd feel like crying yourself !"—Nevw Orleans Times- Democrat. “MARY, I saw the Laker kiss you to-day, go down and take the bread In future.” ‘Twouldn’t t# no use, ma‘am; he wouldn't kiss you, ‘cos he promised he'd never kiss anyone else but 1 1 think 1 shalt A CERTAIN General and his stat, while wending thelr way through one of the narrow valleys of Tirah, were annoyed by the attentions of a solitary marksman, who from tme to ume sent a bullet unpleasantly close. At last the General turned to his orderly—a Pathan sowar—and told him to dismount, take bis carbine and try and stalk the mountaineer. The sowar started off, and presently there was @ crack, and a gray-bearded old Afid! tumbled headlong down the moun- tain side. The sowar rejoined and fell Into his place. + Well done!” sald the General; “ but how on earth did you manag. At so easily #” “Oh,” replied the sowal father.""—London Truth. “T knew his habits; he was my Ir was a colored lady who presented herself the other day in Lexington, Ky., at the place of registration to qualify fer the casting of her vote upon the school question at the nex election, a franchise only recently bestowed upon the womes of the Blue Grass State, “With what political party do you affiitatet” inquiret the clerk of the unaccustomed applicant, using the prescribed formula, ‘Dusky blushes, coyness and confusion. “Is 1 ‘bleeged to answer that there question?" “Certainly; the law requires It." “Then, lady,” retreating in disma; I don't b'lieve It vote, ’case I'd hate to have to mention the party's name, He's one of the nicest genUmuns in town.""— Wave, CHaKLes Leven, the novelist, was once the guest of Doctor Whately, the Archbishop of Dubitn, at bis country seat. Among the other guests were some of the expectant clergy, who pald sulmissive court to thelr host. While the Archbishop and his guests were walking through the grounds the prelate plucked from a bush a leaf which, be de clared, bad @ most nauseous favor, “Taste It," sald he, banding the leaf to one of the clergy. The latter smilingly obeyed, and then, with a wry face, sabscribed to the botanical orthodoxy of the Archbishop. “Taste it, you, Lever,” sald the gratified prelate, handing the leaf to the novellst, «No, thank you,” sald Lever, laughing; not in your Grace's diocese.” my brother ls Argonaut, CALIFORNIA Special vestibuled trains, consisting of sleeping, dining, library, and ob- servation cars, will leave the Eastern cities, De- cember 13th, and fre- quently thereafter, for California, includingstop at the old Spanish city of Santa Fe, New Mex- ico, or via New Orleans, San Antonio, El Paso, etc. Tours to Mexico, Hawaii, Japan, Europe, etc. State information wanted. 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