Life — September 15, 1898 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

GUAM TO SAM. Sald the citizen of Goam To Uncle Sam: * Jute—Juuitio—jimple—jand!” Meaning tn bls artless tingo: “ You're a daisy, and, hy Jingo, Here's my hand.” Sald the citizen of Guam To Unele Sam: “ Hoota—scoota—hunki—bam!" Which the same translated freely ans, “I'm charmed with you, now reallyt ‘Deed Lam!” Said the citizen of Guam To Uncle Sam ™ Oorl—Joori—boorl—bla; Thus, to those not too obtuse, be Says, “11 Unger longer, Lu ‘Neath your fag.’ Said the citizen of Guam To Unele Sam: —ninkee—noo! 1 translation: * Say, there's room tn your Ig Ni For us, toot * Said the citizen of Guam Totn + Paga—fooga—tungo—fet “ Spain ts nicely plekled, e're tickled, tickled, tickled Most to death!” Sald the citizen of Guam To Unele Sam: “ Joowtz—Jeewlz—Dewtz—Jakes!"” Meaning, “ Dewey {sa dandy, And we much approve the stand he Took and takes.” Said the citizen of Guam To Uncle Sam: * Hoolee—doolee—moolee—mirst!” Meaning, * Don’t send to Ohio For postmasters ere you try, ob! ‘Try us first!” Said the citizen of Guam To Uncle Sam: “ Boota—woola—wigwag—wight!” Meaning, “Keep and civilize us; We will do as you advise ns; Honor bright!" —haitimore American, “Wear do you'think of this {dea of the Czar's, that all the nations shall disarm?” asked the philanthropte enthu- slast. “ Don't you think,” he proceeded, without walting for reply, “that It's a splendid suggestio “Yes, but of course everybody Can't wholly disarm,’ replied the cold-blooded frend. “Why not? If you're going to do anything, do tt thor- oughly. Lay down all your weapons, and let everybody pro- ceed on natural and equal terms.”” “No. It won't do. If all the countries lay down the arms, who ts going to turn in and whip some small, to minded nation for trying to sneak round a corner and pick them up again ?"— Washington Star, “Now, this tax on beer—" the Garrulous Boarder began, “As usual,” satd the Cheerful tdlot, “ the cousumer must carry the load."—/ndianapotis Journal, AT an elementary.examination tn Engiish ately held tn a school near New York, two sent: given out to be corrected. The first sentence was | rected ats to {ts subject matter, and the second seit its syntax, These were the sentences: “The hei legs; “ Who done it?" When the papers were ha: was found that one of the examinees bad appr garded the sentences as subtly connected tn thotiyit, for hts answer was as follows: “The hen didn’t dove it: Gog done It."—Argonant. wwleh wag $ were Le coe. eas to As thiee Sum: I will consent to be your wife, on one condition, Me: Name it, “That you will stop smoking.” “ All right; but let's make the engagement vers «dort —Chicagn News, ONce more did Ulysses relate the story of his wanderings bat still Penelope, bis faithful wife, shook her head, “Where,” she peratsted, “are the labels on your trunks? e —Detroit Journat, Sie: I cannot entertain the Idea of marrying sou, My heart ta with our brave boys at the front. He: It's a good thing for the boys; they need ail the ke they can get down there.—Indianapotis Journal, “A SPLENDID stroke! Did yon follow the ball, Caddie!" “No, m; but 1 think that gentleman with the red coat can tell where tt struck. 1 see him feetin’ of his head.* Harper's trzar, “SoMETINGS,” sald the young man, who ts becoming allghtly cynical, “It does seem that a dollar Is the best frleod @ man can have," “Yes, sir,” replied Senator Sorghum. “And I have always contended that {t ta politican’s duty to make as many friends as poasible.”— Washington Star. For sale by all Newsdealers national News Compa: London, E. C., England, AGENTS. Great Britain. The Inter- ny, Brenm's Building, Chancery Lane, EUROPRAN AGENTS—M: s n ‘SB Avenue de l’Opera, aris. acer: Breatane.: WYCKOFF, SEAMANS & BENEGICT, 327 BROADWAY, NEW YORK. ‘ Every Evening at 8:15. A LUNAWAY GIL, Matinees Wednestay, Saturday Emphatic success! Free of vulgarity; full of fan, All yon have gtessed About life fistirance may be wrong. If you wish to know the trath, send for “Tow and W by the PENN Tonical and Restorative. HUNTER | 9d ANNUAL DOG SHOW WESTMINSTER KENNEL CLUB. Tals Show was hela in the Madison Square Garden, New York City, on February 21, 22, 23 and 24, 1808. The offclal publication is @ handsome book of about one bondred and eighty pages, 6x10 Inches, The cover ts an exquisite design ty & famous artist, printed In three colors from balf-tone plates. There are thirty five pages of fine Ulustritions of typical dogs of best known breeds, with articles on thelr chief characteristics and scates of polnts for judging. ‘About ninety-six pages contalg names of the dogs entered, with thelr pedigree and list of prize winnings, and owners’ names and addresses. A “marked” edition of the book ts pubilshed, which gives the names of the PRIZE WINNERS tn ail CLASSES. ‘This ts a standard book of reference for the dog of 1898, and will Le sent to any address on recelpt of 0 cents Address, Baltimore Rye. RICH, PURE FLAVOR. LIFE. VOL. 31 now ready. Bound in Maroon and Gold, Green and Gold, Full Black. PRICE, $4.00. If Copies are returned an allowance of $2.00 is made. Life Publishing Company 19 & Qf West dist Stree New York City. Ccomicbooks.com