Life — September 8, 1898 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“Doctor,” sald a man to his medical attendant, who had Just presented @ bill of thirty-fve sbillings for treatment daring a recent tllness, “1 have not much ready money. Will you take this out tn trade?” “Oh, ses,” cheerfully answered the doctor. can arrange that ; what is your business ? “1am a cornet player,” Was the reply.—Golden Penny, “1 think we Nor once out of a hundred times can an old cotored man tell you his age, and even ff he knew, he would be more than ‘apt to make himself out much older than he really ts. After middle life they all aeem to feel that i adds dignity and very much Increases their merits and value to be considered extremely old. The absurdity as to statements of length of years lived never strikes them. Ina Southern family which aways spends tts winters in Washington hives an old man named Jeff, who has been with them and the previous genera. tion for more years than they can remember. He ts certalnly pretty old himself, so his mistress was rather surprised thts winter when he asked to have a few days off to go, as he put It, up to de ole State of New Haven,” to see his aunt. “Why, Jed,” said the lady, “your aunt must be pretty old, Isn't she?"? “m,” he replied, “ yes'm, my aunt must be pretty ole pow—atie’s about 105 years of now.” “A hundred and five years!” exclaimed the lady,“ Why, what on earth ts she doing up there tn New Haven ?"? Deed, [don't know what she's doin’, ma‘am,” rejoined Jet, tn all seriousness. “She's up dere livin’ wid her grand- mother."—Chicago Journal. RAISED TO HEALTH. More infants have been ‘nourished with Gall Borden Eagle Brand Condensed Milk than by any other so-called infant foods combined. Thousands of mothers testify to Its merit. STRANGER: Is your soctety here very select? ARIZONA AL: See them graves over thar? They was all filled by fellers who came to our dances without invitashuns. viyn Eagle, A Loxpos journal tells of a certain lady who bas in her room # plece of statuary which bears the inscription: “ Kts- met.” The housemald was dusting the room one day, when the mistress appeared. “Sure ma‘am,” sald the girl, “would you mind tellin? me the m'antog of this writin’ on the bottom of this fggert “+ Kismet! means ‘fate,’ answered the lady. “Sure, au’ ts that It?” aald the girl, A few days afterward the housernald came limping into her mtstress’s room, “Why, what ts the matter with you, ridget?” asked the Indy. “Ob, ma‘am, sure an’ I have the most turrible corns on me Kismet !"" sald the girl. “Tuts 1s the parlor, eh ” tentatively remarked the real estate agent, who was looking over the louse. “Yes,” replied old man Kidder ; “ but L usually call It the courtroom. I've got seven daughters, you know,” Harper's Bazar, Tie New BeTLeR: And when do you get up in the moming, sir? Tne PRroresson “Famous Meu of the Tim find that — Fliegente Blat looking in IN the early days of W. S. Gilbert's success, a young woman who Was a member of one of the “ Pinafore com- panies, wrote to him of her approaching marriage with a young man of good position and family, Gilbert congratu- lated the young woman, and expressed the hope that her future might be prosperous and happy. A little more than a month passed, and another letter from the same gtrl reached b.m, in which she stated that her engagement with the young man had been broken, and that she had accepted another suitor. He replied that he had every confidence in her Judgment, and again expressed bis hearty wishes for her welfare, Altnost two months after that, Glibert received & third letter from the same girl, who informed him that young Lord had proposed to her and that she had accepted him, after breaking her engagement with number two. Gilbert then wrote: “1 desire to congratulate you on your approaching marriage with Here he placed an asterisk, and In a footnote added: “Here insert the name of the happy man.""—Argonaut, Prince of Wales's Favorite Wine, de LOSSY-HOLDEN CHAMPAGNE, The genuine 1s made only by Robert H. Foerderer, Philadelphia, manu- facturer of the famous Vici KID Ask your dealer for Vicl Leather Dressing, and be sure the trade- mark with the name of the maker, 3is on each box or bottle. Imita- 8 tions may ruin your shoes, A book abot baying, shoes, mailed free. Address POEKDEHER, Philade, Pa, Solid Back Brush for a lady to use. THE GODIVA, Genuine Ebony. Is Made Better in Quality than anything stamped France or Germany. ROBERT LOW’S SON, In New York City CHEW *\ BEEMAN’S THE ORIGINAL Cures Indigestion AML Others ary Zattattes, STERBROOK’S LEADING NUMBERS: 048, 14, 130, 239, 313, Al, 556. PENS !8 ALL stvLes, FOR EVERY PURPOSE. FOR SALE BY ALL STATIONERS. se Esterbrook Steel PenCo. 26 John St.,.N.¥. Works, Camden, W. J. OMAHA EXPOSITION. Fight-Day Personally-Conducted Tour via Ponnsylvanta Railroad. ‘The Pennsytvanta Ratiroad Company has arranged for & special eight-day personaily-conducted tour to the Trans-Mississipp! and International Exposttion at Omaha on October 1, allowing four full days at the Exposition, Round-trip tickets, tnctuding transportation and Poll- man berth in each direction, meala in dining car going and returning, hotel accommodations and meals at Jomana, admissions to the Fulr, and carriage drive and hotel accommodations at Chicago, will be gold at rate of $100 from New York ; $96 from Philadelphia ; §95 from ‘Washington and Baltimore ; $91 from Willlamsport and Harrisburg; $80 from Pittsburg; and proportionate rates from other points, The party wiil beaccompanted by a Tourtst Agent and Chaperon, and will travel in special Pullman sleeping cars, For the benefit of those who may desire to remain longer in Omaha, tickets will be made good to return {on regular trains until November 15, Inclusive. Sucb tickets Include only railway transportation returning, with reduction of $15 from above rates from all points. For further information apply to ticket agents, Tourist Agent, 1196 Broadway, New York, or Geo. W. Boyd, Assistant General Passenger Agent, Philadelphia. week's notice of any intended change in their address. We earnestly request our subscribers to give us a ‘ull Notice of change should reach us by Thursday to affect the issue of the following week. Under a recent act of Congress, paper mail will not be Sorwarded to a new address, no matter whether instructions are sent to the local post office or not, unless addressee also sends stamps to that office to prepay cost of re-mailing. Letters are forwarded without any trouble, but papers must be paid for a second time if they are to be forwarded. comichooks.