Life — May 12, 1898 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

bag fer me little bye, Dinny, an’ as I was walkin’ home 1 overbaird this man say that the Amerikins was no betther than the Spanish, so I hit ‘um wid th’ sandbag. An’ thin, sorr, instid of bein’ sorry fer insultin’ his coonthry, he said that he hoped the Spaniards would win, an’ so I robbed “um.” “And quite right, Patrick. You are a noble fellow. I shall tine this man Dunn ten dollars for insulting Ameri- and you are discharged. Next Officer: This man is Richard Roe, and he broke into a house last night and stole silver and jewelry to the extent of five hundred dolla Jndge: Vs that so, Richard ? * LIFE: Prisoner: Yes, sir; but there were mitigati circumstances, Judge: State them. Prisoner: The name on the door-plate was Miguel Fernandez Hernandez y Weyler y Blanco y Sombrero y Sagasta y Camisa y Polo y De Lome y Caramba, so I knew he wasa bloody Spaniard, and \s 7 by the rules of war I looted him. \ Judge: 1 wish there were more brive \ fellows like you. You are discharged, > and you may keep the pri Bs Officer: This man is John Doe, and he’: charged with being uproariously drunk, and insulting ladies in the street. Judge: This is a grave offense, and I'll send you up for a month unless there are extenuating circumstances. . t “MARY HAO A LITTLE LAMB.” oot! 1 Must Prisoner: Why, your Honor, I was drunk, sure cnough, and I may bave done all he s: but it was because I was show- ing my joy on hav- ing read that our navy had captured an entire lumber ship. Judge: 1 don't blame you at all. You are an example to Americans. Dis- charged. Next. Officer: This man was scorching down Fifth Avenue and he ran into an old gen- tleman, soiling his clothes, breaking his arm and fracturing seven ribs, Judge: You scorch- crs ought to be sum- marily dealt with. I'll fine you— Prisoner: Hold on, your Honor. The man was walking along, reading the Evening Post. Judge: Why didn't you say so before ¢ You are discharged, but be careful who youbowlover. You might hit an Ameri- can some time. Chartes Battell Loomis, comicbooks.com