Life — December 9, 1897 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Lire’s Potar Expepition.—Nearing Boston. Life’s Polar Expedition. 517 brandy and we will now be well supplied. I shudder at what might have happened had we run short of this aid to scientifie research. Dec. 2.-I apprehend trouble with Tooter Loud, geologist and stoker. He has an absurd idea that this is a scientific voyage, having for its object the lasting benefit of society, and it was only this morn ing that I discovered a set of instruments in his stateroom. I ordered them overboard. Dec. 2.—This morning Tooter Loud rebelled. He came to me with an air of I-have-found-you-out-at last, and said : “Commander Hornblower, I am a blunt man and I speak the truth. This is no real scientific expe- dition, As near as I can figure it out it isa purely money-making scheme, in which you pose first as a ROFESSOR HORNBLOWER, noble army of epicureans, nearing the Pole. He is now in the vicinity of Boston, The Same Old Game continues to throw off carrier-pigeons, and every day they arrive with fresh news, It is necessary at this stage to correct a low murmur of disapproval which has been gaining round in some quarters, Some enemy of the Professor, in an endeavor to undermine bis future reputation and to cut down his re- ceipts, has started the rumor that he is really an American citizen. Knowing how fatal such an impression would be, how absolutely un- interesting to American audiences the Pro- fessor would become, Lire hastens to give the facts. Professor Hornblower is an undoubted for- cigner, He was born in the Fourth Ward, York, of Scandanavian ntage and on the other side North of with his fs rapidly to on one side tlind. Not only this, but be speaks in dialect, thus disproving all attempts to criticise his nativity. We hope this question will not be raised again, as it ret the He knows but too well t if this statement could be proved against him, all bopes successful lecturing tour have to be abandoned, The late: $ upon Professor's. honor. of would t news from the Same Old Game is as follows: . W.—Yesterday afternoon, while standing by the wind EN. E., yals set, hatches battened down, and the chief cook in charge of the quarterdeck, I went below, and strolling through the wi lar discovered that there were only two hogsheads of brandy left. We immediately brought her about, and p' Dee. 1.—At anchor in Plymouth. into Plymouth in distress. I sent the crew ashore to Commander Hornblower leaves the ship near Boston, Securing more brandy for the Swine Old Game. grand discoverer and hero, and afterwards trade this advertisement to write books and lecture. stock your ship with provisions, make an easy and delightful trip to the Pole, and, leaving bebind you able lieutenants to see that you are well advertised, 2 finally return in triumph, with the whole Amer- ican public at your feet. You have done absolutely nothing of real benefit to anyon tributed nothing to science, and yet you will be hailed on your return as the greatest man of the age. You are a fraud, sir.” Looked at him sternly for a moment, and replied: “Well, sir, have I said that I wasn't ~ You acknowledge it, then #"* “Most certainly. Did you ever know an Aretic explorer who wasn't willing toadmit ity Even the great Nansen asks publicly what difference it made whether he got a few miles nearer the Pole or not.”” “Then who is to blame $"* I took him gently by the arm. “ My dear sir,” I'said, “it’s the American public. Can't you see that they expect some fraud to run after? It makes no difference what the fraud is, as long as he isa foreigner and has done something that appeals to the imagination. In this respect the North Pole is a perfect Klondike. You mustn't criticise me, I'm engaged in mak- ing an honest living. Tooter Loud was silent for a time, but I Instrument by which Professor Hornblower was enabled to mul- tiply visual rays in the observa- tion of Arctic phenomena.