Life — December 4, 1897 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

488 * LIFE: for business purposes, but the house was held on a Jong lease. He could buy the fee to the’ property for a comparatively small price, and then, ff he could get the landlady to give up her Ic e could sell it ata profit of several thousand dollars, He said that if I would agree to appear there to some of the boarders he would buy the property “And you agreed ?” groaned the Ghosts. “Alas, yes!” replied the young Ghost, in hollow accents, “It was the thought of the granite shaft and marble angel that did it, Bill knew how 1 doted on such thi «l he knew how to touch me—I mean touch my feelings. Ever since}L died I have longed for a granite shaft{aud a marble angel. Some other time I will tell you just what I did to the landlady and ber boarders, but all I can do now is to bow my skull and take what punishment you deerce. But I beg you will not make me leave you and become a non-union Ghost who has to work overtime and never have a steady job, Be merciful, ladies and gentlemen, and I promise you I willjnever offend again. Two or three lady Ghosts were sniflling audibly, and even a Puritan Ghost, who walked in the neighborhood of Boston, was heard to cough in a sepulchral and suspicious manner, “Friends,” finally said the Ghost of a well-known judge, rising to address the assembly, “I would be the last to insist on evere punishment for our unfortunate young friend, but he has admitted his guilt, and his offense is a grave one. I intend no pun. If the members of this asso- ciation should yield to such influences it would result in incalculable harm, and would utterly destroy the harmon which we live—that is to say, if the word live can properly be applied to incorporeal individuals like ourselves. Our young friend, for instance, should his brother Bill perform his part of the contract—which I very much doubt when I consider the taint of fraud in the whole transaction— would doubtless spend most of his time contemplating the shaft and angel which he so deeply covets. He would be coming in at all hours of the day, disturbing our well-earned rest, and would doubtless neg- THE SUPREME TEST. leet his duties during business hours. I am in favor of administering a punishment which shall have a deterrent effect on other members of the Union who may be prone to unprofessional weakness.” z As the Ghost of the judge satdown there empowered to pass sentence in cases like that for one year from this date he shall were murmurs of approval. After a mo- the one under discussion, [differ with my walk in Philadelphia.” ment’s silence the Ghost of an amateur ned friend in believing that the punish- This provoked a sigh of pity from the actress rose to her feet. ment should be a harsh one. Our young lady Ghosts, because they knew that he “The ke-wality of murcy is not associate voluntarily confessed bis would have to begin to walk at half-past strain- “she began, She was assailed wrongdoing, and his contrition is appar- seven in the evening instead of at mid- with a chorus of groans and a shower of ently sincere. The existence—if I may use night, and they knew that a year of such tibia vertebrie, sacral bones and other the term—of a non-union Ghost is so piti- long hours would probably break down missiles within easy reach, The Master ful as he wanders homeless, and shunned poor Joe completely, There being no fur- Workman called the mecting to order, equally by man and Ghost, that I shudder ther business, the Ghosts, with pitying Ladies and gentlemen,” he began, “‘un- at the thought. Instead of sentencing him looks cast in the direction of poor Joe, der Article VIL of our by-laws I am to expulsion from our order hereby decree glided silently off to bed. Metcalfe. “18 ue Goop-NaTUREDY” GOOD-NATCRED? WHY, [ HAVE ACTUALLY KNOWN IM TO SPEAK KINDLY TO MIs WIPE WHEN SHE WAS REMOVING A POROUS PLASTER FROM HIS CHEST.” comichooks.cqyn