Life — November 18, 1897 — page 22: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Durinc the revolution, a little American privateer once stole up on an English line-of- battle ship in a fog, mistaking her for an East India merchant, and ordered her to strike. When the seventy-four ran out her guns and threatened to blow her puny assailant out of the water, the Yankee skipper stepped to the gangway, and, taking off his hat, said politely: “Oh, very well, sir; if you won't surrender, I will."—Argonaut. Mr. N., a struggling lawyer in a small town in Ohio, received a call from a farmer who wanted legal advice. Mr. N, took down a much-used volume from his small bookcase and gave the required advice, for which he charged the modest sum of $3.00. His client handed hima five-dollar bill. With a troubled look Mr, N. took it, He flushed in the face as he passed his fingers nervously through his pockets, and his embarrassment increased as he continued his search among the papers on hisdesk. ‘ Well,” said he, taking down the law book again and turning over the pages, “Tl give you two more dollars’ worth of advice."— Pittsburg Chronicle. She: “Brivoet, how did it happen that when we came in last night after the theatre, there was a policeman in the kitchen?” ‘Sure, mum, Oi don’t know; but Oi think the theatre didn’t last as long as usual.” —Chicago Times-Herald. WITH HIM, “wry so?" SO OLD BOND IS DEAD. He: ves, TOO BAD HE Cou: “OH, THEN HE'D HAVE MONEY TO BURN." A Boy had been up for an examinatioa Scripture, had failed utterly, :and the re, tions between him and the examiner ba become somewhat strained, The latter aste: him if there were any text in the whole Bibh he could quote. He pondered and {then re. peated: ‘And Judas went out and hanges himself. “‘Isthere any other verse you know in the Bible ?” the examiner asked. “Yes. ‘Go thou and do likewi: ‘There was a solemn pause and ings terminated. —Catholic Standard an/ Times, AN editor has been inspired, after lookisy over bis list of delinquent subs compose the following: ‘How 4: heart is the old silver dollar, when some kind subscriber presents it to view ; the liberty bead without necktie or collar, and all the strange things which to us seem so new; the wide. spreading eagle, the arrows below it, the stan and the words with the strange things the tell; the coin of our fathers, we're glad thy we kuow it, for some time or other ‘twill cone in right well; the spread-eagle dollar, te star-spangled dollar, the old silver Jollar wr all love so well."—Zroy Times, US DOLLARS “Why is Mrs. Mulford in half-mourning?” ‘* Her first husband is dead.” —Cleveland Leader, On the Grand Stand. — It takes the grand stand of being the purest and most delightful American Gentleman's Whiskey. Good sportsmen everywhere, at Cafes, Clubs or Table, give preference to HUNTER BALTIMORE rune | RYE. PURE NO HANDICAP, FLAVOR. E D: Pp | NAU D is LATEST EXTRACT FOR THE HANDKERCHIEF. ‘VIOLETTE REINE” TE AND REFINED, Most E: BEWARE OF INFERIOR iS se UMES SOLD UNDER SIMILAR NAMES. “TRADE MARK IT CARRIES THE BLUE RIBBON. QUEEN OF VIOLET PERFUMES SMe TRUE OD0R OF THE LIVING FLOWER, LIFE. Vol. 29 Bound in Maroon and Gold, Green and Gold, and Full Black PRICE, $4.00 If Copies are returned in good condition an allowance of $2.00 is made. The Ideal French Toak "FOR BODY AND BRAN Since 1863, Endorsed by Medical Faculty ARI efficacious agreeable AMTIONULHORSESHOW) we PA (3TH ANNUAL EXHIBITION POST- MADISON SQ. GARDEN ace. ‘NOV. 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, and 20 The Man Who Goes to the Open Day and Evening KLONDYKE CONCERTS (BY LANDER and neglects to take a St? A few choice arena and tier boxes ply o can be secured by early application at OLD CROW RYE the boxoffice, makes the mistake of a lilt time. It will give you moe nourishment, strength &! warmth than ten times® value in food, and migk likely save your life at! am many others A Buy only of re Have You Seen Pineapples Grow? > dealers. ne, oond by mal mail, bestralds s plans ot ot be eae H. B. KI R K & CO., tela o. rnOMAnt Pi | 69 FULTON ST. ie mad biraacatdars Also Broadway and 27th St. immediate _ lasting All you have guesse aus life insurance wa be wrong. If you wishu know the truth, send fa “How and Why," issoe by the Penn Murai LIFE, gars Chestad Street, Philadelphia,