Life — September 9, 1897 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

taking everything into consideration, it is prob- able that his reward is none too great. For it is altogether probable that his success, in whatever direction achieved, represents not simply the efforts of a day or a year, but the stored up and sifted experience of his life to date, HER CHANCE. “Is MY HAIR DOWN ?"? NO; IT IS STILL HAIR, DEAR; BUT IT DOES SEEM TO BE THIN With Thanks to the Authors. Lire regrets to be unable to find space for the meritorious poem of cight stanzas, beginning: Oh, Nansen, he’s a-coming, Put something on the ice, Also for the poem inscribed ‘To R. Kipling,” of which the first stanza runs: With a michnai—ghignai—shtingal !— Yah! Yah! Yah! Ein—Zwei—Drei—Mutter ! Yah! Yah! Yab! The stork has brought another, And this time it’s a brother, Singin’ michnat—ghignai—shtingal ! — Hooray! Also for the two exceptionally vigorous poems, beginning respect- ively: Abou Ben Andrews, may his ratio wax, And: Blue, by the sacred codfish, J. Henry Walker swore, The fame of Brown, by Andrews, Should be misused no more. Nothing but the exceptionally crowded state of the columns of this paper, and a sense of responsibility for the maintenance of the public peace, prevents the publication of the latter of these efforts, in spite of its unusual length, The Rewards of Life. W* are apt to describe to luck orto good fortune or to circumstances a man’s success with a book or a play, or with any venture whereby he gains fortune in a day ora year, but the chances are that his suc- cess is really due not to such aids, but to the actual jvalue of what he has to offer; and, ‘ING BADLY AT THE SIDE and from which he had hitherto gained no special profit, which he had kept, ripening in the sun of further experience until it had attained perfection, and which he now puts forth as his contribution to the instruc- tion, the amusement, or the profit of mankind. It is all he has—it is his say; why should he not get a great reward for it? And however great the reward may be, weare likely to find it, when we come to average it over the period of prepa- ration, during which he went without and took all the risks, only fair life wages after all, Alvin Dipperton. An End-of-the-Century Dictionary. SOME SPECIMEN QUOTATION: Reform, hysterical verbose verb (collo- guial, municipal, and genteel).—Fac- tion, inaction, distraction; the im- perfect art of publicly praying a snake back into his hole. Literature, very common, low-down noun (colloguial in Boston and the talkways of Chautaugua).—An uncle in the publishing business; puss, puss in the corner with debt, and starva- tion; any old thing. Congress, insubordinateconjunction.— A corporation annex; a place which men enter as servants, occupy as ty- rants, and leave as slaves. Education, abstract, subtract, distract noun.—The loving household miracle of pouring a quart into a pint meas- ure—at the public expense; a course of systematic ignorance. Policeman, vulgar, invective adjective (su- perlativedegree).—Tittletat, autocrat, dem- ocrat; the discoverer of limber necks as velvet to the foot; a combination of brogue, brogan, and bribe. Fame, common, double leaded, newspaper noun, New tvoman gender, Sunday supple- ment person, champagne case. A bob-veal soubrette; a society clinker; a triple mur- derer; a one-night stand of the fool killer; a newspaper tree on which every apple is the biggest apple. Politics, common, dead easy, everyday noun, Neuter gender, suspected person, desperate case.—A game which is one-half venom and one-balf accident; a bloodless surgical operation in a man’s back. Criticism, simple, idiotic, abject adjective. —A sugar-plum clearing house; (astrolog- teal) the house of the moon, and the ex- altation of the editorial triplicity. Farmer, common, sidewalk, roof-garden