Life — February 18, 1897 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

TRovpLe with His Notes.—It was an hour or more after midnight. ‘There was a furious ringing at the door-bell. A few minutes elapsed, and then ahead was thrust out of a second-story window. ‘What do you want?” ** This is where Mr. Spreecher lives, isn't it?" ‘* Yes. I am Mr, Spreecher. “You delivered an address before the Advancement of Mankind Club this evening on ' The Dead of "962°" ‘*Idid." "* You spoke of a noted man named Alcibiades McGibbney ?" “Yes.” ‘ Was he a Protestant ora Roman Catho. lie?" He was a Protestant. What—" ‘That's all I want to know. I'm the shorthand reporter that took down the speech, and I couldn’t tell from my notes whether you said that at the age of twenty-seven he entered the ministry or monastery. Everso much obligedto you. Good night !"—Chicago Tribune. Fatner Hucit Lacan of San Rafael is a pious priest and an excellent raconteur. His Reverence relates that he was called in recently to administer the last rites of Mother Church to a dying sinner, who, like himself, was a native of the Emerald Isle “1 have but one request to make, Father,” gasped the dying penitent. “What is it, my son ?” inquired the priest. “That when Iam dead, Father, you will put me to rest in the Hebrew cemetery “And what for?” asked Father Lagan * Because, your Reverence,” moaned the sick man, ‘it is the last place on the face of the globe where the divil would look for an Irishman.” —London Figaro. For ALL Practica: Purroses.—" My friend," skull cap, putting his head out of the car-window as the train stopped ata desolate looking village, “what is the name of this dried-up, God-forsaken place?" ‘That's near enough,” responded the dejected citizen, who was leaning a he little red shanty that served as a rallway station go at that ‘cago Tribune. said the traveler with the WHY IS OUR OLD CROW RYE so popular ? C because of its quality, its re- liability imitations. own bottles refilled, others are imitation labels and cap- sul name on cases, corks, cap- sules and labels, word A Lodge in the Wilderness melts into the landscape when colored with the soft moss-green, bark-brown and rock- gray shades of Cabot's Creosote Shingle Stains. H. B. KIRK & CO., (ESTABLISHED 1853.) Paint spoils the effect of shingling and rots the wood, while ‘* wood treated with creosote is not subject to dry rot or other decay.” — Century Dictionary. | Send for samples of stained wood, and coloretudies, SAMUEL CABOT, 74 Kilby Street, Boston, Mass. AGENTS AT ALL CENTRAL POINTS, of all others in sales? ‘The genuine has our “RYE” in large red letters. SOLD EVERYWHERE. 69 Fulton St., New York. | stand the great nervous strain occasioned Also Broadway and 27th St. A YOUNG contralto at a Handel concert which Sir Joseph Barnby was con. ducting, at the end of a solo, put ina high note instead of the less effective note usually sung. This innovation shocked the conductor, and he immediately asked whether Miss Singer thought she was right in trying to improve upon Handel. ‘* Well, Sir Joseph," said she, “I've got an E, and I don't see why | shouldn't show it off.” ** Miss Singe rejoined Barnby, ‘I believe you have two knees, but I hope you won't show them off here.""—Argonaut. ALL Gretna Green justices are not as frank as is E. C. Roberts of Lapeer, Mich, Squire Roberts—he is a justice of the peace, according to his stationery —makes a most candid bid for matrimonial fees. His letterheads are in them. selves studies in open-faced honesty of declaration, and if there is any yearning couple in the neighborhood of Lapeer that couple certainly yearns without cause, for the justice makes plain proclamation of his purpose. A letterhead of his, sent hither by an admirer of his way of announcing himself, is decorated with a half-tone portrait of the "' jedge,” a soldierly looking fellow who prob- ably used to be an auctioneer, and under the cut is the designation, ‘ The original and only exclusively matrimonial magistrate." Close beside and printed in cunning little letters is this alluring statement: ‘ Office at the cleva- tor or at the First National Bank parlors, or wherever most convenie=t to swains,” and below, a further assertion is: ‘A fine line of high-grade brides. maids and groomsmen constantly on hand to assist at the services.” Here are some other selections from this most remarkable letterhead: “ Marriages solemnized promptly, accurately and eloquently. mony—legal fee ; osculation extra.” lopements a specialty. Night calls answered without extra charge. Consultation free.” “N. B. My anti-blushine warranted effective and will not injure the :nost delicate complexion.” Certainly if matrimony languishes in Michigan it is not the fault of adver tising nor of Judge Roberts.—Chicago Record, Plain cere Why is it ahead Itis There are many Some are our and the SAYS: “The genuine JOHANN HOFF’S Malt Ex- tract has done wonders for me. I use it constantly, and find myself much benefited thereby. It aids digestion, tones the sys- tem,and makes me strong enough to with- by my professional duties.” AK AST "JOHANN HOFF'S MALT EXTRACT. All Others are Worthless imitations. $000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000¢