Life — January 14, 1897 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ILLUMINATIONS AT SPRINGFIELD Mechanics’ Hall are now occu- pied by classes in Scottish dialect, while temporary sheds are being con- structed on the Common for the accommodation of those eager stu- dents who seek instruction on the bagpipe. ENNY BLOOBUMPER: Islands don’t agree with volcanoes, do pa? BLoopuMPeR: What do you mean, Benny ‘I read in a newspaper that the ska constantly throwing up new and volcano of Bogoslov, on the 4 coast, i islands. AN IMPORTANT EVENT. A’ last we have information from a scientific authority that the end of human life upon the earth at hand. This will relieve a great deal of the suspense and uncertainty that has hung over the people for the last two thousand years, The matter is demonstrated by a German scientist. His theory is that AS DONALD MACSLU: ON ITS WAY TO BOSTON. a superabundance of carbon in the air will destroy animal life. The vegetable world is the great absorb- ent and neutralizer of this carbon. The destruction of our forests will allow this gas to run riot through the air, and soon kill off the human family. This is perfectly logical. There need be no further doubt upon the Besides, if any doubt still there are other methods for bringing about the same result. In course of time all the soil will be used up in making brick. There will be no land left to build houses on; consequently the people will die from exposure. Again, as the bicycle craze devel- ops, children, ladies and old people will all be killed on the highways and street Only the strongest men will survive, and, there will be no women, the race will speedily become extinct. At any rate, we can rest assured that the end of everything terrestial is fast approaching. It’s too bad. question, remains, crossings. HEY'S TRAIN PASSED THROUGH THE CITY Still, the world has never been a success, from Eve's indiscretion down to the Lexow revelations. Yet a large affair. Parts of it have been well irrigated and parts strongly fortified. It seems a shame to waste all this labor, H E: So you have ambitions? SHE: Yes, decidedly. I want to solv me important problem. “Well, you just study out how to bring up a family on fifteen dollars a week and we'll get married.” [te regrets to be unable to record —~ any improvement in the con- dition of the gentlemen so seriously fected by the incident of the after- dinner dancing girls, as mentioned last week. Their host has ‘‘ex- plained,” without at all alleviating the embarrassments of their predica- ment, or diminishing the public in- terest in their case. It is a sad ex- perience to accept an invitation to dinner and find oneself served up with scandal sauce.