Life, 1896-12-31 · page 13 of 21
Life — December 31, 1896 — page 13: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This is a mock promotional page where *Life* satirizes itself by advertising absurdly worthless content for 1897. The joke operates on multiple levels: **The Setup:** Life announces it will *not* publish articles by famous contemporaries (Benjamin Harrison, Rudyard Kipling, Conan Doyle, Willie Bryan, etc.)—then lists deliberately ridiculous "features" instead, like Kipling's "back-door step" and Dr. Watson's actual tooth-brush. **The Punchline:** The final section, "NONE OF WHICH WILL BE PUBLISHED," reveals the entire announcement as tongue-in-cheek—Life is mocking its own (and competitors') tendency toward sensationalism and trivial celebrity content. **The Satire's Target:** The page ridicules the magazine industry's obsession with celebrity gossip, pseudo-intellectual articles, and low-quality reproductions—all marketed as "extraordinary." The decorative header illustration (woman with telescope and harvested figures) reinforces the theme of surveying or collecting cultural output. This is essentially *Life* making fun of itself and its rivals' editorial practices.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
ANNOUNCEMENT ! LIFE FOR 1897. AN EXTRAORDINARY INDUCEMENT. U will pay you to read ‘his, because it means much to many burdened households. Dur- ing the coming year, Lire will not publish any articles by the Hon. Benjamin Harrison, Stephen Crane, Dwight Moody, J. M. Barrie, Willie Bryan, Mrs. Rorer, Conan Doyle, Anthony Comstock, E. W. Bok, Poultney Bigelow, Hall Caine, Ruth Ashmore, Steve Brodie, James Corbett or Hoot Mon Maclaren. This is worth thinking about, but it is not all. By herculean efforts, and the ex- penditure of nearly eight hundred dollars in cash, we have succeeded in getting together the fol- lowin, os ABSORBING FEATURES. A beautiful photogravure frontispiece of Rudyard Kipling’s back-door step, with full view of author. A superb series of snap shots taken at Drum- tochty, showing Dr. Watson in his daily life, as follows: ‘‘In Bed,” ‘‘ Feeding Him- self,” ‘‘ Breathing.” Also his tooth-brush (actual life size), hat, shoes, and other interesting articles of wardrobe actually worn by the great Scotsman. The Life and Times of Napoleon Bonaparte, George Washington, and W. D. Howells, written especially for Lire by the latter. The author, although hitherto unknown to the public, is peculiarly fitted for his work, having been employed on nearly every mag- azine in the country. New anecdotes, spark- ling text matter, daguerreotypes to burn, and portraits till you can’t rest, will be thrown in. “Science As It Does Not Exist.” By an ex- Congressman and former reporter of the World, who naturally withholds his name. This wonderful series of articles will be illustrated by portraits of some of the most inconspicuous actresses of the day, showing them as they really are. ‘‘Untrodden Fields of Art.” A beautiful collec- tion of reproductions of some of the worst examples of modern art, with explanatory text matter written by an office boy hired especially for the purpose. Among some striking types may be mentioned: ‘‘ Meet Me at the Sewer,” by Pulitzer; ‘‘The Bat- tle Field,” by Theodore Roosevelt; ‘* Wait- ing,” by M. Hanna; ‘The Limit,” by Hearst; © ‘‘Marooned,” by Bryan; ‘The Proxy,” by McKinley; and ‘‘Posing,” by Parkhurst; NONE OF WHICH WILL BE PUBLISHED. And this is one among many reasons why Lire will be one of the most desirable papers to read during the coming year. comicbooks.com