Life — November 19, 1896 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

CONSOLATION. 'Tain’ no matter what yoh does, Ner to whah yoh strays, T'ings'll make yer wish dey wuz Dif'unt, lots o' ways. When I's done de bes’ I can, Weary ez kin be, Wisht 1 was some yuther man, "Stid o° being me. But, when mawnin’ fin's me strong, Ready fob de day, Strikes me dat I may be wrong, Pinin’ dat-away. Ef folks changed aroun’ so free, + Comfort might be slim; P'raps I'd wish dat I wuz me, *Stid 0° bein’ him. —Washington Star. A LADY recently took into her service a Chinaman, and began to Christianize him. Shortly afterward some silver spoons were missing. Then she taught him the Apostles’ Creed, and it was discovered that a valu- able piece of plate had been stolen. His benefactress, loath to suspect her new convert, started in to teach him the Ten Commandments, By the time he was able to repeat the First Commandment, the scamp stole her watch, Then the philanthropic lady's son rebelled, got him to the Tenth Commandment he will have stolen the house and taken the cellar along with it."—Argonaut, IN preaching funeral sermons clergymen often have a hard course to steer, but here is an instance where it was all plain sailing : Elder Baker, who flourished in a rural district of New England a good many years ago, was a strictly honest but painfully frank old man. One day he was approached by old Zeke Bill, a man of doubttul repu- tation, who said : “‘Lookee here, elder, I want to make a request of you, an’ it is this: I want you to promise me you'll preach my funeral sermon, if you outlive me.” “Why, certainly, Zeke, certainly.” “An’ I want you to preach it from the text, ‘An honest man is the noblest work of God.’" “TH do it, Zeke, I'll do it; and I'll add that I'm sorry there's such a poor specimen in the coffin.” —St, Louis Post-Dispatch. A WHOLESALE house in New York started a drum- mer on the road, giving him a hundred dollars for trav- cling expenses. A week passed, and nothing was heard from Mr. Traveler, Still another week passed, and still no word from Mr. Traveler. Finally the house wired him as follows: Nothing from you since you left. with us?" An immediate answer came: Are you still THE MACMILLAN COMPANY, NEW YORK AND Losy Idier Stories. By Rudyard Kipling. Gutter Snipes. By Phil May. HERBERT S, STONE AND COMPANY, CHICAGO, In Buncombe County. By Maria Louise Pool, A Child of the Jago. By Arthur Morrison, COPELAND AND DAY, BOSTON. Songs of Exile, By Herbert Bates, An Outland Journey. By Walter Leon Sawyer, GEORGE ML. RICHMOND AND COMPAN: Tales From a Mother-of-Pearl Casket. France. Translated by Henri Péne DuBois.” Andria, By Percy White. The Epistolary Flirt. Way and Williams. Cake, Decorations and Desserts. By Charles H, Philadelphia: Arnold and Company. By Esmerie Amory. Chi ACE-CAR PORTE! yer clothes, boss ? There's Kin I brush de dust cag no dust in my cletd yer doesn't look like yer was dead hers Statesman. Dto preach a sermon upon foot! Sabbath,” said the tall caller in the white chok Ishall be pleased to furnish you the manuscript ify have any wish to use it. I know a number of p readers would be glad to see it in print.” “All rg said the busy editor; " you will have to get it here ex ** Mother,” be exclaimed, ** for heaven's sake don't teach “Yours of this date received. that pig-tailed scalawag any more, or by the time you've on you for $200. Have made a draft though. Our sporting page is the first to close.” Am still with you."—Texas Sifter. —Cincinnati Enguire For sale oy all Newadealers tn Great Britain, |The Inter. Evnoreax Aoexte—Mesera, B pational News Company, Dream's Building, Chancery Lane, Engiand,’Aorsts, Paris; Saarbach’s News Ex: , Agents for Germany, Al $i Avene de POpern and Bwitrerland. IS REGULARLY ON SALE ABROAD. | Condon... . PUBLISHING OFFICE 30 Newcastle Street, St PARNELL & BLAKE, 63 Southampton Row; and atall the principal dealers. ‘When office work has tried the nerves And taxed both hands and brain, A quick, cool wash with Ivory serves ‘To soothe and ease the strain. PARK & TILFORD, Agents. TWO WEEKS BEFORE CHRISTMAS. How glad the postman’s whistle sounds, And how we gaily cheer, A spoonfal of Abbott's Angostura Bitters In| To see as he goes on his rounds LITTLE CIGARS. 7 ALL IMPORTED. TOBACCO. HIGHEST IN PRICE, FINEST IN QUALITY. asc. a Bundle, ro in Bundle. Trial Package in Pouch by mail for age. H, ELLIS & CO., Baltimore, Md. Tue Ammrican Tosacco Co., Successor. tte, alds digestion. At druggists. ) |Patronize American industries i—wear KNOX HATS. DALY'S ™="*© GEISHA THE Every night, £15. Matinces Wed. and Sat, at 2 Most Fascinating Performance in Town. WE PAY POST- ACE. All you have guessed about life insurance may be wrong. If you wishto know the truth, send for “How and Why,” issued by the PENN MUTUAL LIFE, g2t-3-5 Chestnut Street, Philadelphia. ‘a glass of water gives It favor, gives you appe-| That Christmas “Life” is here. ——|WANTED—AN IDEA. bbederyS iets * of some simple thing to patent? Protect your, ideas: they ma bring you wealth. Write JOHN WEDDERBCR: CO, Patent attorneys, Dept. 1, Weahtngton. D.C. for their $1,800 prize offer and ‘Ist of 200 taven: Hons wanted. ISRAEL ZANGWILL relates that when the notorious Lueger, whose platform was the extinction of the Jews of Vienna, was up for election as burgomaster, a poor Jew took a bribe of a couple of florins to vote for him. ‘God will frustrate him,” said the pious Jew: ‘meantime I have his money."—Argonaut, “BENSON, you know, went to Africa, and there met his death.” ‘ Poor fellow! But his body was brought home and given adecent burial, wasn’t it?” ‘Well, they hanged the cannibal, and then brought [ome his body and buried it.” —Philadelphia North American. |Glasgow . Meters. wn. * poRTEOE co., 5 Royal Exchange Plac} Paris 2. wy BRENTANO'S, 37 Ave. de l'Opera. Berlin 2. we A. FREYBOURG, 36 Zimmer Strasse ; ‘And at the leading newsdealers ths | out Germany, Switzerland and France. comicbooks.com