Life — November 12, 1896 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“GET SOME GOOD WASH THEM YOURSELF NELS WON'T SURIN! D YOUR FLAN tainment. So many comic operas are just like their predecessors, or worse, that one would imagine capi- tal, with its usual caution, would once in a while insist on something new, something original, or at least some- thing different. . OW thatelection, with its turbu- lent and financial interests, has passed, it becomes possible for the American public to turn to more peaceful pursuits, like football and the drama. In the last-named amusement there is nothing promis- ing in the near future, and there re- mains the always golden opportunity for the long-expected but not-yet- arrived American dramatist. Metcalfe. AN INSTANCE. “7 ON'T you think things are magnified at night?” “I know it. My baby seems twice as big. HE reason some men do not succeed is because they try to use a pull where push is necessary. GREAT POSSIBILITIES. N all probability, the smoke nuisance will soon float off into the prob- lematic whither. A Boston man claims to have perfected a method by which the smoke will not only be entirely con- - LIFE: sumed, but will add fifty per cent. more power in the operation. His smoke-consumer doesn't consist in the employment of a host of cigarette fiends, but is a scientific arrangement which, with a little more development, is expected to be able to subsist exclu- sively on smoke. Now, if in the burn- ing or consumption of the original smoke anew smoke should be gener- ated, and so on ad infinitum, a marvel- ous cheapening of power would result. This discovery will doubtless even change the location of the manufacturing districts of the country. New England willsoon be inhabited only by its famous abandoned farmers and wealthy descen- THEY OUGHT TO BE THOROUGHLY DRY IN AN HOUR FROM Now.” dants of the .Wayflower crew. Model City, at Niagara, will soon collapse like a punctured balloon, and its city limits disappear from sight like a rail fence laid in the wrong time of the moon. You wonder what will do all this? The superior facilities offered by a good, vigorous volcano for the generation of power from smoke would speedily create in the neighborhood of each of those gigantic puffing institutions a great city. This discovery can be applied to every phase of work. A man can smoke a cigar before breakfast and generate enough power to grind the coffee or black his shoes. A mechanism can be perfected by which a man can enjoy the luxury of a five-cent smoke, and, with the hitherto wasted remains of that 361 luxury, furnish power to run a bicycle. A four-ounce package of cheap tobacco would give the farmer power to run the fanning mill half aday. And so on in- definitely. Welcome, millennium of smoke! THE NEW PIERROT. N “Gay New York,” a vaudeville belle Before the footlights tinkles; Of lineage long, though not her song, This Lady Tribune-Twinkles. She twinkles, twinkles, Lady star, She winks with wondrous joking, But she's too old to be thus bold, Such antique fun a-poking. Red. white and blue her starry hose, As well befits the loyal? Red, white—and green, quite new her sheen, Ah, ‘very green,” though royal. Nine flights above the World her den! Where dear screeching (Whose feathers red ascend her head), Quack-quack “The Sun we're reaching !" old parrots U, shades of Horace, sail the Styx. And speak your mind out freely! A tribune brave, your Zribune save, shades of Horace Greeley ! Lucy Cleveland. j_ “HIS DUDS ARE DRY ENOUGH. [LL GIVE THE BARBIES A CHANCE. comicbooks.com