Life — June 11, 1896 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

*LIFE: WHAT IS A LIAR. FABLES FOR THE TIMES. O the vivisector objects to being called a liar! Well, well! If he is not a liar, what is he? In what category does he expect to be placed when he tells us— not only tells us, but shouts it at us with both fists — that animals suffer no pain while being cut up alive? It is presumably an indication of an unscientific mind when we refuse to believe that any real, out-and-out enjoyment of life is possible during “*the inserting of tubes into arteries, as advised and practiced by Stephen Hales, of Teddington; the covering of the shaven skins of animals with varnish, of Drs. Kleinberg and Prolatus; the starvings of Dr. Chossatt; stopping wind-pipes with corks; keeping animals forcibly under water until almost dead, then, by methods as cruel, restoring them to consciousness; holding the heads of Guinea pigsin basins of quicksilver; cramming the mouths and larynxes of dogs with liquid plaster of Paris until it solidifies.” IZZER: I tell you what, old boy, it’s a case that makes my heart bleed. The fellow has died and left a wife and six little ones entirely unprovided for. Quizzer: Didn't he even have his life insured ? “Oh, no; no company would risk him—his profession was too hazardous.” “Why, what was he?” ‘*A life insurance agent.” ii is respectfully pointed out to Major McKinley that silence, being traditionally golden, is liable to prejudice his chances with the silver men. Mite ” THE FOX AND THE GRAPES, A FOX stood under an apple-tree and gazed up earnestly at the globes of yellow lusciousness. ‘*How sad. for the sake of an old-time piece of lit- | erature," he said, ‘that the fox is a carnivorous is {i animal and doesn’t care particularly about fruit!” =| — Immoral: We all have plenty of faults without the Truly Good taking the trouble to invent them for us. A MODEL HUSBAND, H.W. Phillips. comicbooks.com