Life — May 14, 1896 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

7 §EGORS AT NL TOO MUCH TO EXPECT. How can I warble in measures light hearted, How can I chant of spring's opening buds, ‘When the carpets are up and the cook has departed, And all things are stéeped in the odor of suds ? How can I sing of the freshening breezes ? Or prattle of green on the hedge rose’s clumps, When the air is pervaded with coughs and with sneezes, And two of the children are down with the mumps. How can I joy in the beauty that’s vernal, How can I dream of green meadows outspread, When I've got to go round with this wretched, infernal, Extempore, d—nable cold in my head ? —New York Press. ‘THERE was acertain young American girl in London ivho had come over with only the courage of youth and he point of a pen to keep the wolf away. She hadn't he easiest time in the world, let me tell you. One day she presented herself at the office of an ditor who had bought “'stuff” of her. The great man as busy, but as she insisted on seeing him she was al- pwed toenter. She had a bundle of manuscript in her nd, and she begged the editor to read it at once. ddly enough, he consented. It wasa story. It was a story about a young woman writer who pur- Ihased a typewriting machine on the installment plan. 11 went well till the final payment of one pound was due. She hadn't the money, and couldn't get it. Twice the people who sold the machine gave her additional time. At her wit's end, the poor girl begged him to wait just two hours. She gave him something to read, and she wheedled hima little, and he offered to wait. | ® So she sat down at the machine and rattled off a pathetic story of her own struggles with fate, and of her fruitless efforts to raise money to pay for the typewriter. When she finished she put on her bonnet and went to a newspaper office, sold the story, and brought back the money in time to save the machine, It was a prettily told story, anda pathetic one. “* By jove!” said the editor, as he finished reading it. “T always said you could do fiction, but you never would. Come around next week, and I'll let you know whether we'll publish it.” The girl hesitated. “If you please, sir," she said, now “Why ?" asked the editor, in surprise. “Well,” said the girl, ** you see, the man who came after the typewriter is waiting for the money.""—Chicago Record. Aunt Dorotuy : there, Johnny ? Jounny (glibly): Ten. Aunt Dorotny: And now, suppose you were to break one of them ? Jounny (tentatively): Then there'd be nine.—Amus- “won't you decide How many commandments are HARPER & BROTHERS, NEW YORK, YADELON. By Mary E. Wilkins. For King Or Country. By James Barnes, Personal Recollections of Joan of Arc. F. TENNYSON NEELY, CHICAGO AND NEW York, The Minor Chord. By J. Mitchell Chapple. An Art Failure, By John W. Harding. Confessions of a Fool, New York: G. W. Dillingbam, Cinderella and Other Stories. By Richard } Davis.’ New York: Charles Scribner'ssoas, a2ae Jn India. Translated from the French of André Cher. gillgn by William Marchant. “New York: Hesry Holt 0. “Yes,” said the principal of the young ladies’ sem. inary to the proud parent, ‘tyou ought to be very happy, my dear sir, to be the father of so large a family, all the members of which appear to be so devoted to one another,” “Large family ! mean, ma’am ?" “Why, yes, indeed,” said the principal, beaming through her glasses. ‘' No less than eleven of Gussie's brothers have been here this winter to take her out rid- ing, and she tells me she expects the tall one with blee eyes again to-morrow." —Exchange. Devoted! What on earth do you “Papa, what is a historical epoch 2” “It isa period of time that used to cover ages, but now it runs along anywhere from a week to ten days."— ing Journal. Chicago Record. reat Britain. The Inter- Goosay. Dream's Building, Chancery Lane, Eng! ROFEAN AQuNTS—Mesara, Brentano, $7 Avenue de,'Opers, Saarbach’s News Exchange, 1 Clarastrasse, Mayence, Pari AGENTR. Germany, Agents for Germany, Austria and Switzerland. DON'T BOIL 2 re sporredg just a smack Sold everywhere. of life and good flavor . a j ‘|done up in temperance jausea after cating means, digestion) style. Best by any test. jneeds assistance. Take halfa wine glass) of Abbott's Original Angostura Bitters.) Se putters maker Sgulson Sad ereyenee |Drugeists, if seca ae ese The Woman’s Bicycle... In strength, lightness, grace, and elegance of finish and equip ment Model 41 Columbia is un- approached by any other make. Babies whose mothers use common soaps, fret : is Li JROPE-Thi si hited aa may: Gu is Ble oo Ee ic aiiens oars ‘Thanks to pure Ivory, contentedly lies, ourist Gazette,” Holy Land excursion Soothed into slumber with soft lullabies. ~C CL Round the world part ARK, 11 Broad- Copytehit, 0A, by The Procter & Cambie Ca. Cat AT COASTING IT WINS KO Baltimore Rye” The American Gentleman's WHISKEY. FOR CLUB, FAMILY AND MEDI-| CINAL USE, ) Tus saTRuE = {TEST oF THE Cast feunsane QuauTe SFA BICYCLE I} Tut Dust Proor | saddles are recommended by riders and physicians as proper in shape and adjust, tment, and every] detail of equipment] contributes to com fort and pleasure. THE BEST WHISKEY IN oye >. BLEND eS AMERICA timone nee SS Ie He nts Ane Endorsed by Leading Physicians} EASIEST RUIDUNG, oly 4 VURPEUON ITS A when stimulant {s preseribed. WARWICK Tits Acaent rue SENOFOR Pure, Old, Mellow. WOMEN “Drink: \ HUNTER RYE. It ts pure.” SOLD AT Att RIAL PACKAGE IAL Pacnact | First-Class Cafes and by Jobers. AntEg WAKO @ SKC |W, LANAHAN & SON, - - Baltimore, Md. rae tT THE A 2oz. comicbooks.com