Life — April 30, 1896 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

NOTHING BETTER. COLLEGE man and a country maid Sat on a swinging gate. “Tt's a pretty close night,” the maiden said “But the surroundings are first-rate.” By DAISY. g > Daisy will publish horoscopes in this de- partment only in the order received, Re- member the conditions. Cut out all the pictures from 4,o00 copies of Lire and forward them to Daisy, t0- ecther with a ‘photograph of your brain by Roentgen. Twinkle, twinkle, little star; Daisy tells us what we are. JAMES GORDON (B-N-T). HIS gentleman was born under the Ram's Horn, in corkscrew with Capricorn, Libra halt-seas over, Venus clad in the Golden Seal and the Spring freshets from Aquarius turned into Manhattan cocktails. He has a blended form with some body, a scarehead, revolves on a pedestal of wind and pink atmosphere, inclines frequently at an angle of 450, has a brandy and soda outlook, with heliotrope eyes and a pousse-cafe complexion. He looks well in a case of ground glass, and should always wear a label, Would do good work in an inebriate asylum. He has a steadfast na- ture, sticking by those who love and obey him for hours at a tim very dependent on others and will not succeed in control. Has a keen, discriminating intellect, rarely reading the sermons in the Aerald; should avoid menageries, and will find his most congenial com- panions among members of the;New York Yacht Club. Succeed as a sandwich man or a temperance reformer. . * . T. DE WITT (T-L-M-G). Tus gentleman was born in the cusp between Aries and Taurus, a tin halo round the sun, Venus dead to the world, Mercury spouting red fire and Libra out of its orbit. He is of medi- ocre height, with a north, east, south and west expression; ruby lips on Marvin hinges, and an Asbury - Park -and-Ocean- Grove accent. He runs on two legs and could walk on his hands, but they are in use elsewhere. Has a retiring, bashful nature, taking only what he can get, and is possessed of great refinement, disliking to be with himself. He should eat light, nourishing food and take chloroform with his meals, Sundays included. Will find his most agreeable associates in the Cannibal islands, where he will be weighed and not found wanting. Ought to make a good prizefighter or barber, but will succeed best as a bartender in a Keely institute. WILLIE L. (S-T-R-N-G), HIS gentleman was born to be an ele- vator boy, but owing to an error at the time of his birth—Taurus being detained three minutes by a blockade in the milky way—he is now on exhibition as the ossified man in the greatest freak show on earth. He was born otherwise under the Pleiades, Capricorn drawing to a bobtail flush, Mars and Uranus on first base and Venus coming home on a three-bagger. He has tea-green whiskers, a Croker instep, Roosevelt teeth; looks well in white duck and would make a suc- cessful street -cleaner or do good execu- tion in a tobacco warehouse. He is very extravagant, spending other people's money without a thought, ana has little self-respect, miogling and marrying among the 400 with City-Hall abandon. Evil times in ‘97. Should ride on the caole cars for his health, avoid saloons and travel in Ireland for instruction. LIMITED. E: There's one thing about me: I always know enough to take a hint. SHE: Why, don't you ever call on the same girl “GEORGIE, DEAR, YOU GO IN AND ASK PAPA'S CONSENT AND— GEORGE—IF ANYTHING SHOULD HAPPEN, I'LL GO TO SEE YoU EVERY DAY TILL YOU'RE WELL AGAIN.” comicbooks.com