Life — April 30, 1896 — page 19: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Lillian Russell Mrs. Frank Leslie Mrs. Jenness Miller ‘The genuine article is plainly stamped : Fibre Chamois : REREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE Haviland China It is important to buyers that they should be informed that the only ware that has always been known as Haviland China is marked under each piece: H&C° Aranc® On White China, On Decorated China. RECCURIENDED FOR Gravel, Calculus, Lasy Liver, and all Uric Acid Troubles. WILL CURE IT. GOUT? SCHERING'S === P| PERAZIN PAMPHLET Free. LEHN & FINK, Agents, New York. WATER A HINT FOR COMMERCIAL TRAVELLERS, Harley: On your last trip you took ten orders to my one, and I worked pretty hard, too. How do you ac- count for it ? Beach: Well, I attributea good deal of my success to the fact that I wear a stylish, glossy Knox Silk Hat. HER DIMPLES, When Dora's dimples come and go, I watch them, torn 'twixt bliss and woe (For at her feet I long have sat me), Their fitful charm distracts me so: Because, alas! I never know Whether she’s laughing with or at me! —The Century. <TLY in England a prize was offered for the best “bull” made of laughter-provoking words, and The Outlook publishes a selection from those submitted. Extract from a speech made at a meeting to promote total abstinence: “The glorious work will never be accomplished until the good ship Temperance shall sail from one end of the land to the other, and with a cry of ‘Victory !" at each step she takes, shall plant her banner in every city, town and village in the United Kingdom.” “We pursue the shadow, the bubble bursts, and leaves the ashes in our hands!” An orator at one of the university unions bore off the palm when he declared that ‘the. British lion, | whether it is roaming the deserts of India or climbing the forests of Canada, will not draw in its horns nor re- tire into its shell” A certain politician, lately condemning the govern- ment for its policy concerning the income tax, is re- ported to have said: ‘They'll keep cutting the wool off the sheep that lays the golden eggs until they pump itdry.” P A HARD-LOOKING tough was on trial in the Court of General Ses Judge Cowing was-on the bench, Lawyer Howe, in a voice husky with emotion, addressed tne jury : ‘* Gentlemen, my client is a poor man, He was | driven by hunger and want to takea small sum of money. All that he wanted was sufficient money to buy bread, for itis in evidence that hedid not take the pocket-book con- taining $300 that was in the same bureau drawer.” The eloquent attorney for the accused was interrupted by the convulsive sobs of his client. ‘*Why do you weep?” asked Judge Cowing of the doomed man. ‘‘ Becors I didn't see der pocket-book in de drawer."—Zexas Si/t- ings. Tue New York Recorder gives a story of a young lawyer who evidently did not consider the well-known learning of the judge a sufficient reason for omitting evidence of his own attainments, The judge was compelled to listen to acase that had been appealed from one of the police courts. The young practitioner who appeared for the appellant was long and tedious; he brought in all of the elementary text- books, and quoted the fundamental propositions of the law. ‘At last the judge thought it was time to make an effort to close the argument. “Can we not assume,” he said, pompously, ‘that the court knows a little about law itself ?” “* That's the very mistake I made in the other court,” answered the young orator, ‘‘and I don’t want to let it defeat me twice.”