Life, 1896-03-19 · page 6 of 20
Life — March 19, 1896 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# Analysis This page from *Life* magazine contains several satirical pieces: **"The Horse and the Oyster"** (fable): A prancing horse performs tricks to impress an oyster on the beach. The oyster, unmoved, admits it's been "blind from birth" and missed the whole show. The joke satirizes wasted effort—trying to impress someone incapable of appreciation. **"Widening His Sphere of Usefulness"**: A brief item about General Harrison's newspaper hack-writing abilities. It mocks his willingness to perform various writing tasks (articles, essays, lectures) for compensation, portraying him as intellectually promiscuous rather than principled. **The illustration** (captioned "Lo Tied") shows three figures in period dress—likely depicting a social or political scenario, though its specific reference is unclear without additional context. These pieces exemplify *Life's* characteristic irreverent humor targeting public figures and human folly.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
*>LIFE> (Aside: And 1 do hope her hand will not be FABLES FOR THE TIMES. as hard for me to get at as her ear.) VioLer: Your wife! I jear I would fall short of many things— CHARLES (Asede: A little short on hearing but some- what long on ready cash, which more than balances it.) Will-you-promise-to-be-a-wife-to-me? (Aside: But isn’t this somewhat of a comedy?) : There should be no secrets between us, Chollie. CHARLES: No, dearest. (Asede: And there wouldn't be any, every- thing would be made public in the telling.) VioLer: Well, Mr. Doodles, let me tell you one secret that you do not know—I would end this comedy of yours, I have not been deficient in hearing, as I have led you tothink, nor short on sense, and, before you take your hat, would express the hope that there is a moral in this that will be helpful to you. Good night. A, W. Bellar OBBIE:. I put one of those blue buttons of father’s in the contri- bution box at Sunday-school. Mrs. BinGo: Dear me, what did you do that for? “Father said it represented $5.00.” THE HORSE AND THE OYSTER. VERY prancy horse, discovering an oyster on the sea-shore, thought to show off a little and make the oyster envious. After he had done some surprising leaps and curvetings, he went up to HE Art of Conversation—Making the oyster and, with a toss of his head, said: the other person say the clever “There! what do you think of that?” things. “You must excuse me," answered the bivalve; ‘‘but 1 have been blind from birth, and missed the whole show.” Immoral : Of what use is a dress suit in the Desert of Sahara? H.W. Phillips. WIDENING HIS SPHERE OF USEFULNESS. ORD comes from General Harrison through the veracious newspapers that he has tried practising law, fighting, being Senator, being President, law again, and hack-writing, and that of all these employments he finds hack-writing the most congenial. The General writes magazine articles, and ekes out the revenues of this employment by select jobs of lecturing. It is his entire satisfaction with the habits and emoluments of this course of life that is understood to be at the bottom of his refusal to run again for President. All the other hack-writers think it is his duty to run, and will undoubtedly use every effort to have the nomination thrust upon him. The hack-writer would rather have all the space to himself than share it with the most illustrious compeers. Sf. I SEE quite a number of policemen ride bicycles now.” **Why not? The police need exercise as much as anyone else.” W HEN you begin to crave the effects of food without the experience of it, and the experience of drink without the effects of it, that means that spring is almost here.