Life — February 6, 1896 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

* LIFE: | R. DEPEW has a large collection of Southern stories, of which the | following is his favorite: as ‘«T went to a hotel in Georgia and said to the clerk: «« “Where shall I autograph ?’ Always Appetising. Autograph ?* euaped the clerk. Yes; sign my name, you know.’ Oh, right here.” “I signed my name in the register. In a little while in came some Extracto BEEF Georgia ‘crackers.’ One of them advanced to the clerk. ——— «* «Will you autograph ?’ asked the clerk, with a smile. At times when you relish nothing, a cup of Bouillon made from eres iret fotrenReguvezoni the adeion 9 SoS water and “+ *Sart’nly; mine's rye,’ said the Georgian, beaming. ‘ What's yours, apiach of salt, Send for our little book “Culinary Wrinkles. | fellows?’ turning to the other ‘crackers.’ Armour & Company, Chicago. | The clerk treated with good grace. Then he leaned back and glared at me. I felt sorry for him, and was somewhat conscience-stricken. ***Too bad,’ I said, ‘this is what comes from speaking a foreign language in one’s own country.’ "—New York Evening World. 1. B. SPLICER, President. F. YOUNGHUSBAND, Treasurer, O. SPOONER, General Manager. The Haleyon Matrimonial Go. Procures Desirable Partners for those Matrimonially Inclined. FULL PARTICULARS WITH BEST REFER- ENCES REQUIRED. SCHEDULE OF RATES: For Candidates under 30 years of age, - “ & between 380 and 45, - z bi 45 and 60, - By s 60 and 100, - Payable at Nuptials, A Preliminary Deposit of $25.00 to be made in all Cases. Amiable gentleman of barely eighty years of age, tinguished American if he is has been unfortunate in business and would like to asonably young. No French, Italians, wed a wealthy maiden for a permanent home. His Hebrews need apply. tastes are literary, but his writings have been too far Has a warm heart, small feet and beautiful teeth ADDRESS ALL COMMUNICATIONS TO above the popular taste to bring either fame or pecu- Can dance all might. niary profit HALCYON MATRIMONIAL CO., 21 West 31st Street, New York. fa wealthy coffee planter will marry TO “LIFE,” JANUARY SECOND. EAR Lire,” I have lately arrived in your city, Now, “ Lire,” as you're living next door to this “* spooner,”” To make a short stay and to see all the sights. Can't you kindly drop in and just see him for me, For a starter I purchased your paper so witty Let me know by to-morrow, or better still, sooner And I find there a face which my fancy delights. If you think I've a chance this dark beauty to see. “Tis the face of a maiden so beautiful, really, I've a farm in New Jersey with everything needful, My heart at the thought of her almost stands still. Pigs, chickens, ducks, turkeys, two cows and a horse, Who is after a husband. I'm just the man, clearly, If my darling requests I will always be heedful, For this Spaniard to marry, if only she will. She can have her own way as a matter of course. And yet there's a cloud on my ‘* Halcyon" heaven Which causes me really to deeply despond For I sadly confess I am most sixty-seven, I've already one wife and my whiskers ain't blond. E. L. Brown, comicbooks.com