Life — October 17, 1895 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A WARNING. WHEN fair Priscilla takes her bow in hand And sends the arrow flying through the air, It must be said it is not safe to stand On any spot save by the target there. A tree off to the left perchance she'll hit ; Perchance into the hedge that grows near by, Or to the right the shaft will chance to flit, But to the target it will ne'er come nigh. But when her eye speeds glances, then beware ! Her aim is sure, unerring is the dart ; And woe be unto him who anywhere Finds one of those imbedded in his heart ! —HNarper’s Magazine, Mark TWAIN once expressed a desire to attend the annual dinner of the Gridiron Club of correspondents in Washington ; but when an invitation was sent him, his regrets were received by return mail Meeting a member of the club later, he complained that he had been neglected. When informed that an invitation had been sent him and his regrets received, Mr. Clemens scratched his head, as though in perplexity for a moment, and then said: “Those were Isaac's regrets.” Who is Isaac?" He's my keeper. He’s the man my wife hired to prevent me having any more fun.” Mark then explained that Isaac opened all his letters and invitations, wrote answers, which in the case of invitations always consisted of regrets, and then burned them. When asked what is Isaac’s other name, the humorist replied sadly: ‘1 don'tknow. My wife hired him, and she told me what his name is, but I have forgotten, I call him Isaac, as he is doomed to the fate that nearly befeil the favorite son of Abraham, When I get well I intend to cut him up in chunks and burn him on the altar, and I don’t care if the angels holler till they get diphtheria.” Doesn't he ever consult you about the answers to your invitations?" “Never. He always sends my regrets and says I'm sick, and that's going to get me into trouble. I told him sotheotherday. Said 1: ¢ Isaac when I die and go to Heaven, St. Peter is likely to take me up some morning and remind me about those polite falsehoods you're telling in my name, and then I'll have to look all over Tophet for you to prove an alibi.'"— Argonaut, A sPorTING gentleman, who had the reputation of being a very bad shot, invited some of his friends to dine with him, Before dinner he showed them a target painted on a barn door, with a bullet right in the bullseye, s he claimed to have shot at 1,000 yards’ distance. As nobody believed him he offered to bet the price of an oyster supper on it, On one of his guests accepting the wager, he produced two witnesses whose veracity could not be doubted to prove his assertion. Since they both stated that he had done what he claimed he won his bet, During dinner the loser of the wager inquired how the host had managed to fire such an excellent shot. ‘The host answered : “ Well, I shot the bullet at the door at a distance of 1,000 yards, and then I painted the target round it."—7it-Bits. IV JAPANESE WIFE. By Clive Holland. X MLE ies Company. a Joan Haste. By H. Rider Haggard. New Yer Longmans, Green, and Company. A Set of Rogues. By Frank Barrett. London: ” Macmillan and Company. The Men of the Moss-Hags. By S, R. Crockett. New York and London: Macmillan and Company. The Marriage of Guenevere. By Richard Hove Chicago: Stone and Kimball, Poems. By J. Gordon Coogler Author, A Madeira Party. By S Weir Mitchell, (Hary.) New York: The Century Compan} Kitwryk Stories. By Anna Eichberg King. New York The Century Company. . Chris, and The Wonderful Lamp, New Vork:, The Century Company, Jack Raltister's Fortunes, By Howard Pyle. York: The Century Company. ‘ayne and his Friends, By J. Selwin Tait J. Setwin Tait and Sons. New York aug Columbia, S.C: Te -D.LLD By Albert Stearss Ne Ne At a certain assize held recently in the south cf England the jury could not agree and were locked tp. After-a long and animated discussion a divisie was taken, when ten were found to be for convictice and two for acquittal. Another long and acrimonious debate followed, f and eventually a big burly farmer, who was leadig the majority, went over to the diminutive individal who, with a companion, formed the minority, acd assuming his most aggressive attitude said : then, are you two going to give in?” **No," defiantly replied the small man. Very well,” was the answer, ‘then us ten will’ And they did.—London Tit-bits. For alo by all Newslealers {a Great Britain. The Inter national “News Company, lream'e Building, Chancery Lan London, #0, England. hoaxes. (im: EUROPEAN AGEXTS—Memra Frentano, 37 Avenue de !Opers Parts Germany, Agents for Germany, Austria and Switzerland ‘Saarbach's News Exchange. 1 ‘Ciarastrame, Mayeoo IVORY Tne Paocten & Gawore Co., Cinsti, SoaP There is a “comfortable feeling” that comes after a bath with Ivory Soap. Promptly cures all JUST PUBLISHED. PATRICIA A SEQUEL TO “Two Bad Brown Eyes.” Dress Goods. Autumn Novelties. Several cases added to our stock of Bouclé, Can- Bromo-Seltzer Headaches. iche and Crinkled Novel- ties, the latest European productions for the sea- son. Pattern Dressesin plain and fancy mixtures on tables at Eleventh Street Entrance. James McCreery & Co., Broadway and 11th St. Patricia,” the long-looked-for book by the famous and interesting authoress, Marie St. Felix, author of **A Little Game with Destiny,” is bound to have one of the largest sales of any paper novel that has been put on the market for some years, Price, Paper Cover, 50 Cents. For sate by all booksellers, or wit be sent post paid, upon receipt of price, by THE MERRIAM COMPANY. Publishers and Booksellers, No. 67 Fifth Avenue, New York. comicbooks.com