Life — June 27, 1895 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

It was while Melville E. Stone was editor of the Chicago Daily News, on the night of the Ashtabula catastrophe. On receiving the first bulletin he wired to the special correspondent in Ashtabula : “Rush all particulars.” In due course of time he received the following reply “AI is excitement. Can learn nothing.”"—Wash- ington Post. ‘ Gexe Rat GorDox, of Georgia, tells the following story of the war period to illustrate the shrinkage of the Confederate currency: ‘One day a cavalryman rode into camp on a reasonably good horse. ‘ Hello, cavalryman,’ said a foot-soldier, ‘I'll give you three thousand dollars for your horse.’ ‘You go to (the bad place),’ was the horseman’s reply ; “I just paid fone thousand dollars to have him curried.’"— Argonaut, Littte Neo: Mastota: light. Littt Mast Littee Neb: Well, then, wait a minute. I guess I'll get up and say my prayers a little more carefully.— Pittsburg Bulletin, “You are right in it,” remarked the whale to Jonah. * You bet Iam in it,” was the answer ; ‘and what is more, if Iam not out of it in less than a week, I will give you the biggest case of appendicitis on record.” The sequel is history.—/ndtanapolis Journal, Don’t take away the light, I want you to learn to sleep without a : Must I sleep in the dark ? “Lonyect, my dear, to your asking that woman to dinner. She's the greatest gossip in town,” said Mr. Perkins. “L know that, John, but we can't invite the report- and I don’t know how else to get an account of Perkins.— ers, our dinner in the papers," replied Mrs. Bazar. THE end of a novel (compressed by the editor ow- ing to lack of space): *. . . Ottokar took a small brandy, then his hat, his departure, besides no notice of his pursuers, meantime a revolver out of his pocket, and lastly his own life."—Deutsche Leschalle. Huspann (a/ter the ball): The deuce ! Wire: Well, what's the matter now ? Husnanp : It all comes of your being in such a pre- cious hurry to get away ; why, bang it all I've got my own hat !—Pick- Me-Up. Mr. NorTHStDE walked into his parlor the other night and was rather surprised to see his daughter sitting on young Mr. Hilltop’s lap. ‘The young people were surprised, too. The older man the first to recover his equanimity, and as Miss Northside found her feet, he remarked : “Ah, Lucy! nearly over.” What makes you say that, papa?” blushing painfully. “You seemed to be on the last lap."—Pittsburg Chronicle Telegraph. . was to I see your race for a husband is asked the girl, SuytHE: 1 dropped a penny in front of a blind beggar to-day to see if he'd pick it up. Tompxins: Well, did he? Suytie: No Make it sixpence, mister, and I'll forget myself."— Exchange, ; hesaid,** Ix North Carolina lately a case was tned in which the defendant’s character having been impeached, it was sought to bolster it up by showing he had re- formed and joined the church, The witness, who belonged to the same church, insisted that as the defendant was now a Christian man, of course his character was better. Counsel asked him, ** Doesn't he drink just as much as he ever did 2?" ~The witness, who was colored, and evidently embarrassed by the iry, slowly raised his eyes and said with much deliberation: ‘I think he do, dut he carries it more better."—Argonaut, 1s an Amefican champagne surpassing in any domestic brand heretofore offered. ly modified, by its superior excellence, the prejudice that formerly existed In favor of foreign champagnes. Like the finest Freach wines, it Is roduced by the natural method cf fermentation in e bottle. It costs only about one-third as much ‘as the same quality of Imported CHAMPAGNE THE HAMMONDSPORT WINE CO. HAMM alt a, gees, SHAIR CLOTH HAIR CLOTH GUARANTEED We guarantee the Weft of our make to be ALL Hair. There are good imitations, but these can be detected by testing the weft. Hair when pulled is elastic, Fibre and Cotton will not stretch. Cwantas B. Pexvear, Agent. Don’t condemn Hair CLOTH because of the worthlessness of imitations and substitutes. Wear what is light, cool, and resilient. Hair CLoTH will not break or crush; imitations and substitutes will. Ask your dealer for Ours. We do not sell at retail. Liver, and all Uric RAZ l Acid Troubles. WATER WILL CURE IT. wea GOUT? SCHERING’S For Sale by Druggists. LEHN & FINK, Agents, New York. RECOMMENDED FOR Gravel, Calculus, Lazy You desire to be Stylish We will tell you How— Interline the Puffed Sleeves and Skirts of your Spring and Summer Costumes with CA Comes in Three Weights and the result will be a realization of your desire. Puffed Sleeves and Skirts will not lose their shape if lined with Fibre Chamois—unaf- fected by dampness—endorsed by all leading modistes To be found at the Lining Counter + of all leading Dry Goods Stores.