Life — April 4, 1895 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

> LIFE: QuR FOOLISH. ~= (ONTEMPORARIES SS A NUMBER of years ago, the Board of Directors of a certain bank were in the habit of dining at each other's houses monthly in rotation. One of them was a merchant whose success in business was not in the least assisted by any early advantages in the line of education. Dining at the house of Mr. B., he noticed a very handsome clock. “Say, B., where did you get that clock ?”" + In Paris, Nothing more was said on the subject until, in course of time, Mr. B. gave his next dinner to his fellow directors, when the merchant, seeing the clock again, exclaimed *B, [thought you said you bought that clock in Paris.” “So I did.” ‘Well, it’s very strange, I wrote to the fellow who made it, ordering a duplicate, and he paid no attention to me.” “I don’t see how you could write to him, when I had not told you his name.” ‘His name! Can't I read? There it is, on the face of the clock. tot Tempus Fugit,’ Paris, France."—The Autocrat. I wrote CONGRESSMAN SIBLEY, of Pennsylvania, was recently asked his opinion of the man in charge of acertain bill. He replied: “He is all right, I guess, but he reminds me very much of a man up in Pennsylvania. He came from the Delightful for Bath and Shampoo. lumber district, with an old bullseye watch, toa jeweler and said ‘I want you to fix my watch.’ The jeweler asked, ‘What is the matter with your watch ?° ‘Well,’ replied the man, ‘I have been looking into it, and I can’t tell exactly, but as near as I can make out I guess the trouble with it is that the hair is all worn off the hair-spring.’""—Buffalo Times. Tne dispenser of the finest brands of Western justice sat on a soap box with a law book spread before him on an upended whisky barrel. “ Who arrested this man ?” he asked, as the prisoner stood up before him, * responded half a dozen citizens standing around, “What's the charge ?”” “+ Hoss stealin’.” “You betcher life we kin ; we ketched him in the act.” The judge looked ugly. “Will you swear to it ?” he asked. ‘ourse we will, Didn't we jist tell you we ketched him at it 2” “All right, gents," said the judge blandly, as he laid his gun across the law book. “I'll fine each and every one of you $10 and costs for contempt of court in fetchin’ him here, and dismiss the case agin the prisoner. You oughter strung him up when you ketched him."—Detroit Free Press. Wes the late King Charles of Wurtembérg was yet Crown Prince and he was ordered to become engaged tothe Russian Grand Duchess Olga, he was shown a portrait of her, After regarding it intently he exclaimed: “* How daringly they have flattered ber! The hair is too abundant, the eyes are too brilliant, and the complexion too dainty.” The courtiers asked in astonishment : * But does your royal highness know the Grand Duchess ?” ** Ido not know her,” was the reply, ‘ but I know the court painters.”—Outlook. SS AWM SI SS — Oz: "e: we Food is fuel to the body. “Best” Tonic, Pabst Malt Extract, secures perfect con- sumption of this fuel; hence perfect health, strength and beauty. It soothes the most wakeful to delicious slumber. At Druggists. PACKER’S TAR SOAP Cleanses quickly, and leaves the skin ex. quisitely clean, sweet and smooth. “ Excellent for chapped skin.”—Lancet-Clinic, “A lusury for shampooing.""—Aed. Standard. ASK FOR THIS BRAND. Absolutely pure. Unequated for all persons with . a delicate and tender skin. MULHENS & KROPFF, PAMPHucT Face. eS GO U T 9? SCHERING’ For Sale by Druggists. LEHN & FINK, Agents, New York. EWING BEGIN Aja ICYCLES. GRADES. Warranted superior to any Bicycle built in the world, regardless of ice. Do not be induced to pay more money for an inferior wheel insist on having the Waverley. Can be delivered from factory agent hasn't it. Catalogue "I" Free by Mail. 22 Ib. Scorcher, = + $85. INDIANA BICYCLE CO. 23 Ib. Ladies’, - = 7S: Indianapolis, Ind., U.S.A. RAZIN WATER RECOMMENOED FOR Gravel, Calculus, Lazy Liver, and all Uric Acid Troubles. WILL CURE IT. PIPE Jenness Miller Monthly. § ° 114 FIFTH AVE., NEW YORK. Natural domestic Champagnes are now very popular. A fine brand called “* Golden Age’ is attracting atten- The awarded at the Paris y Eehiniton 1889. VEL ou tion.