Life — March 28, 1895 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

- LIFE: At George Cable's home, in Northampton, Mass., there was lately a double > celebration—that of his own silver wedding and the marriage of his eldest daughter, whose advent inspired her father’s only published verses : “There came to port, the other day, The queerest little craft, Without a stitch of rigging on. I looked and looked and laughed. + It seemed so strange that she should come Across that stormy water, And anchor there, right in my room, My daughter, oh, my daughter!" —Philadelphia Record. KENTUCKIANS are always proud of their State in whatever department of human labor they may hold place. Not long ago a widow went to see a marble cutter to get a tombstone for her late husband. She selected a plain one from his stock and gave him an inscription to put on it. “Can't do that, ma’am," he said politely when he had read it. “Why not 2" she asked in surprise, ‘I'm paying for it.” “Yes'm; but { can't put that on. I-stretch my conscience a good many what I put on a tombstone, but I ain't going to tell a plain lie when I know it. The widow was greatly shocked, and insisted on his explaining what he meant. “Well, ma'am,” he said, ** you've got here, ‘gone toa better land,’ and that ain't so, ma'am, There ain't any better land than Kentucky."— Detroit Free Press. THEY were standing ona street corner waiting fora car. She was American, he was En; She delighted in proclaiming the glories of this New World, but he only elevated his beastly nose and answered every remark with that irritating phrase ‘In the old country,” etc, While they were waiting, a pair of bicyclers, a man and a woman, wheeled by. woman was dressed decidedly "* up to date.” “Aw,” the Englishman remarked.‘ Knickerbockers !” ‘The girl looked up in surprise.‘ Do you mean the woman in bloomers ?” “Yes; but in the old country, ye know, we call them knickerbockers.” Miss America hardly knew how to answer his know-it-all manner. be rude to change the conversation too abruptly, so she simply said : you call ‘a pair of knickerbockers’ singular or plural 2” The Englishman glanced after the retreating bicyclers, ‘* Plural,” he said, ‘as ap- plied to men ; but in the case of women—singular."—Boston Budget. ‘The he felt it would “ By the way, do Curran’s ruling passion was his joke, and it was strong, if not in death, at least in his last illness. One morning his physician observed that he seemed to * cough with more difficulty.” “That is rather surprising,” answered Curran, ‘for I have been practicing all night.” While thus lying ill Curran was visited by a friend, Father O'Leary, who also loved his joke. ad “L wish, O'Leary,” said Curran, to him abruptly “that you had the keys of heaven,” “Why, Curran?” “+ Because you could let me in,” said the facetious counselor. “+ It would be much better for you, Curran,” said the good-humored priest, ‘that I had the keys of the other placé, because I could then let you out."—Green Bag. Wues the clergyman remarked that there was a nave in the new church the society was building, an old lady whispered that she knew the party to whom he referred. — Ex. For slo by all Nowsdealers in Great Britain. News Company, ream’ London, E. C., Engiant, Aorxts, The Inter. " Building, Chancery Lane, FURorgay AGexts—Momra Brentano, 37 Aveaue de TOper, Paris; Saarbach's News Exchange, 1 ‘Clarastrame, Mayeno, Germany, Ageats for Germany, Austria and IVORY SOAP “A cold bath is a good tonic and nerve bracer.” If Ivory Soap is used, it is a beautifier as well. Tne Procter & Gaware Co., Cinrth, Victors Always bead! Why ? Because the VICTOR is the Easiest-running Bicycle in the World. Proved by the Victor Dynamometer —the only ma- chine on earth that actually measures the power required to run a Bicycle. This is why Victors lead. Send for 1895 Catalogue Overman Wheel Co., Makers of Victor Bicycles. New York. Chicago. Detroit. Deaver. ‘Sea Francisco. Los Angeles. Portland. Boston. Pacific Coast: ers 9 Shaving Stick_ TAKE NO OTHER— Until you've tried WitLiams’— —after that you'll be sure to TAKE NO OTHER. SOLD AT ALL DRUG STORES. Produced by the French ot natural process of fermentation in bottle Highest award at Columbian Exposition If you cannot obtain it of your dealer, order direct of THE HAMMONDSPORT WINE CO., HAMMONDSPORT, N. Y. comicbooks.com