Life — October 18, 1894 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

73 | El Ad SeSSRS AT NvLLv§ A FEW weeks ago one of the dealers at the Fulton Market engaged a young woman to fill the position of bookkeeper. Before long he noticed that whenever a Customer went up to the desk to pay she was found to be deeply absorbed in a book. “She's reading a novel,” thought the dealer. But day after day went by and the book appeared to hold her attention as absorbingly as ever. The young woman's habit of reading annoyed customers, who did not like to be kept waiting for their change. So the dealer decided to speak to her about it. See here, Miss Blank,” he began, ‘*I don't like to have you read novels during. business hours, The young woman looked up in astonishment. Lam not reading a novel," she replied. “+I never do read them.” “Then what is that book you keep your eyes on all the time 2” “Why, it’s Euclid,” “And who wrote it?” ‘Then the young woman, in a streak of great compassion, explained that she was studying geometry. “And do you keep that sort of thing up all the time 2” her employer demanded. “+ Certainly, sir.” “Miss Blank, I'don't believe a young lady of your tastes will suit me for a book- keeper. Heaven, or Boston, is your home."—New York Journal. L Notice that monetary institutions have a habit of hanging out a notice when they close their doors for the night or on holidays informing the public that the bank is closed. Why do they do it? When a person starts to enter a bank and finds the door bolted and barred it gradually dawns upon even the most untutored mind that the bank is closed. 1 lay no claim to smartness; indeed it has been an open secret in our family ever since I was four years of age that | would never amount to anything in particular, yet when {essay to go into a bank and find the door locked it occurs to me at once that the bank isclosed. | do not borrow a length of railroad iron and attempt to force the door open under the impression that the cashier is asleep. I go and try to borrow the money somewhere else.—Gypsum City Advocate. “THAT'S too bad t am pos! My wife has gone and put my handkercl in the wash, and 1 ve that I had tied a knot in it to remind me of something !"—F7 liegende Blatter. 1 1) ee Cautious people are sometimes too cautious. The story of a man who considered seriously for a week whether it would be wise for him to pay $s00 for a lot, and after deciding in the affirmative learned from the real estate‘man ina more careful conversation that it was $500 per front foot, is a case in point. A few days ago a stranger, while passing a haberdasher’s store, was attracted by a display of shirts, which were further distinguished by a placard on which was printed the legend, “These are 75 cents.” It happened that in the same case were a few silk umbrellas, which command about $6 each on a pleasant day, with a slight tendency to rise if clouds gather. The pedestrian gazed long and earnestly into the window ; then be wandered away, only to return soon and gaze again. This was repeated several times, Finally he entered the store and asked to look at the umbrellas. One was brough: out and he opened and examined it with the utmost care. It seemed to suit him exactly and he turned to the proprietor and remarked, “I'll give you an even sixty cents for it. The propeietee evidently didn’t think he understood aright, for he leaned forward and said, ** What 2” The stranger again informed him, *‘I'ifgive you an even sixty cents for the umbrella.” The proprietor was dazed. Then he began to recover. ** How much do you think it costs 2" he inquired. + Seventy-five cents.” ** And have you been debating all this time whether you would give that amouat fe a silk umbrella ?" ‘The stranger said he had. The proprietor led him gently but firmly to the door. ‘+ My friend,” he said tenderly, “you are too far from home, and you'd better scoot before some hungry car horse gets a chance to nibble at you and makes a funeral of you before the mistake is discovered."— St. Paul Pioneer-Press, PeaceMAKER: Laura, haven't you and Irene kissed and made up yet? Laura: Oh, yes, That is, we kissed. ,She was already made up.—E£x. THe night clerk at Ocean View Hotel, Block Island, was dozing ia his chair a few nights ago and was startled by what he afterward remarked seemed to him to be a regiment of soldiers coming down stairs. *T'll be goldurned if this ain't the worst place I've ever struck.” “What's the matter now ?” asked the clerk who, by the way, has had considerable experience with the same kind.of people. “Well, by gosh, there's the durndest smell up in that room of mine that beats apy old sewer I’ ever smelled. I've been trying to sleep for some time, but it seems to be getting worse all the while.” Alter several suggestions as to what might be the cause, the clerk intimated that tbe gas might possibly be leaking. “Not by adurn sight,” replicd the granger ; ‘that can’t be the cause, for I blew that out an hour ago."— Norwich Bulletin. For sale by (ail Newadealers ta tain. |The Toler. ‘ews Corapany, Tiream’s Building, Chancery Lane, Leadon, BC, Engiand, hosts sd Evrormas Mesara. Brentano, 37 Avenue de l'Opera, Paris; Saarbach's News Exchange. 1 », Mayence, Germany, Agents for Germany, Austria and Switzeriand, Irritations of the SKIN and SCALP Odors from Perspiration Speedy Rellef by Using Packer’s Tar Soap “¢It Soothes while it Cleanses."’ Medical and Surg. Reporter, Phi CELEBRATED HATS, —axp— Ladies’ Round Hats and Bonnets And The Dunlap Silk Umbrella, 178 & 180 Fifth Avenue, bet. 22d & 23d Sts. and 181 Broadway, near Cortlandt St. NEW YORK. Palmer House, Chicago. ‘916 Chestnut St, Phila. €2-Agencies in all Principal Cities. Gold Medal Awarded, Paris Exposition, 1889. HITCHINGS & CO., Horticultural Architects and Builders And Largest Manutecturers of GREENHOUSE HEATING ano VENTILATING APPARATUS. Established so Years. Illustrated Catalogues Sent on Application. 283 MERCER ST., N.Y. LEWIS 6. TEWKSBURY DRESS GOODS. THE PERFORATED NOVELTIES. Broad Cloths and Velours with Star perforations—the present rage in Paris and New York—are among our immediate Novelties. Im- ported solely by this firm. These make especially rich costumes when lined with Cerise, Bluet, or any con- trasting shade of silk. Camel’s Plush and Combed Camel’s Hair in black-and- crimson, black-and-emerald, and the new French blues. Entire changes in our sec- tion of Scotch Novelties; Curley Homespuns, striking- ly handsome Tweed, with rope knots of silk. All these are now ready. Extra values in other lines of Fall Dress Goods specially marked for this date. James McCreery & Co. Broadway and 11th St., NEW YORK. Sterling Silverware the best production of both continents finely wrought by skilled smiths —at retail Spautpinc & Co, (INCORPORATED.) State and Jackson Sts., Chicago. 36 Ave. de I'Opera, Paris. Our “ Suggestion Book” mailed free. Banker, 50 Broadway, New York, Buys and sells Bills of Exchange on all parts of the worl, comicbooks.com