Life — October 11, 1894 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

- LI ORS AT NvLLy a sponger ; a smart alec; a blatherskite ; its richest ma some pretty girls; a weather-prophet ; a neighborhood feud ; half a dozen lunatic woman who tattles ; a Justice of the ‘Peace ; a man-who-knows-it-all ; one Jacksonia Democrat; more loafers than it needs ; men who see every dog fight ; a boy who cuts up in church ; a tew meddlesome old women ; a ‘* thi that stares at women ; a widower who is too gay for his age; a preacher who thinks he ought to run the town ; a few who know how to run the affairs of the country ; a grown young man who laughs every time be says anything; a girl who goes to the post-office every time the mail comes in legion of smart alecs who can tell the editor how to run his paper; scores of men with the caboose of their tgousers worn smooth as glass; aman who grins when you talk and laughs out loud after he has said something.—Rural Press. Every town has a liar; AN Englishman of noble birth was telling me many pleasant things about some of my countrywomen whom he had met in his native land, One story which he seemed to particularly enjoy was of a young lady who, on being asked by a certain pompous and selfsatisied Lord Somebody-or-other, among what people she had met the most perfect, polished, and cultured gentlemen, replied sweetly : he British nobility, my lord.” said the questioner, beami I felt very sure you would so reply, and among what people have you encountered the exact reverse, if | may ask ?” mong the British nobility, my lord,” answered the lady eupon the conversation flagged. — Exchange. out hesitation. such as ready for A SMALL. New Yorker had been having a day of unmitigated outrageousn all children who do not die young are likely to have at times ; and when he w: bed his mother said to him : “When you say your prayers, Georgie, ask God to make you a better boy. have been very naughty to-day.” The youngster accordingly put up his petitions in the usual form, and then before losing with Amen” he added : “And please, God, make mea good boy.” He paused a ‘second, and then, to the utter consternation of his mother concluded with unabated gravity :’ ‘ Nevertheless, not my will, oh, Lord, but Thine be done !” —Providence Journal. You FE - For young men who are thinking of marriage : Select the girl. Agree with the girl's father in politics and the mother in religion. If you have a rival keep an eye on him ; if he is a widower keep two eyes on him, Don't swear to the girl that you have no bad habits, It will be enough for you to say that you never heard yourself snore in your sleep. i Don't put much sweet stuff on paper. If you do you will hear it read in after years, when your wife has. some especial purpose in inflicting upon you the severest punishment known to a married man. Go home at a reasonable hour in the evening. her whole soul into a yawn that she can’t cover with both hands. may cause a coolness at the very beginning of the game. If, while wearing your new summer trousers for the first time, you sit down on some molasses candy that little Willie has left on the chair, smile sweetly and remark that you don't mind sitting on molasses candy at all, and that *' boys will be boys.” Reserve your Ive feelings for future reference, If on the occasion of your first call the girl upon whom you have placed your young affections looks like an iceberg and acts like a cold wave, take your leave early and stay away. Woman in her hours of freeze is uncertain, coy and hard to please. Tn cold weather finish saying good-night in the house. Don't stretch it all the way to the front gate, and thus lay the foundation for future asthma, bronchitis, neuralgia and chronic catarth, to help you to worry the girl to death after she has married you Don't lie about your financial condition. It is very annoying to a bride who has pictured for herself a life of luxury in her ancestral halls to learn too late that you expect er to ask a baldheaded parent who has been uniformly kind to her to take you in out of the cold. Don't be too soft. Don't say: ** These dittle hands shall never do a stroke of work when they are mine,” and * you shall have nothing to do in our home but to sit all day long and chirp to the canaries,” as if any sensible woman could be happy fooling away time in that sort of style; and a girl has a fine retentive memory for the soft things and silly promises of courtship, and occasionally, in alter years, when she is washing the dinner dishes or patching the west end of your trousers, she will remind you of them ina cold, sarcastic tone of voice.—Exchange. Don't wait till the girl has to throw A little thing like that Ose day the children were having an object lesson on the blue heron, ‘The teacher called attention to its small tail, saying. ‘* The bird has no tail to speak of." The oext day she asked the scholars to write a description of the bird, and a little German girl wound up by saying, The blue heron has a tail, but it must not be talked about.” —Rabyhood. A woy swallowed a revolver cartridge one day last week, and his mother doesn't dare to“ wallop” him for fear he'll go off. Exchange. For salo by all Newsdealers ia Great Britain. The Inter- national Trream's Building, Chancery Lane, EUROPEAN AGRNTS—Memra. Brentano, 37 Avenue de VOpera Paris; Sanrbach's News Exchange. 1 Clararame, May‘ News” compan Ubodon, BC. England, Aonsre. Wedding Invitations and Fine Stationery —at retail. Nothing gives better evidence of one’s good taste than the use of fine CELEBRATED HATS, —aNp— Ladies’ Round Hats and Bonnets And The Dunlap Silk Umbrella, 178 & 180 Fifth Avenue, bet. 22d & 234 Sts. and 181 Broadway, near Cortlandt St. NEW YORK. Talmer House, Chicago, 914 Chestout St. 27" Agencies in all Principal Cities. Gold Medal Awarded, Paris Exposition, 189, stationery. Send for sample book of correspondence papers. Spautpinc & Co., (yconroRaTeD.) State and Jackson Sts., Chicago. 36 Ave. de Opera, Paris. ANGORA KITTENS, Lovely familie with extra long, soft sk wit large. bus ig eyen ery vl Randsome. Prive $3" R. K.JASIES & CO Boston Mass. hate, fol and 10x 2085, “The name of the WHITING PAPER COMPANY ona box of stationery is a guarantee of excellence.” ‘ery person of refined taste uses the greatest care in the selection of their correspondence papers. ‘The Whiting Paper Company, of Holyoke, make the finest papers for society use. Their “ Standard Linen” is stock and easy writing properties. Every dealer in ties these goods in stock or can obtain them fromus for you. WHITING PAPER COMPANY, Holyoke, Mass. New York Offices: 148, 150 & 152 Duane St. LEWIS 6. TEWKSBURY unequalled for purity of fine stationery i Mills Germany, Agents for Germany, Austria and Switzerland. SHAVING STICK. ILLIAMS’ - Be sure to get this kind. WILLIAMS’ SHAVING STICK, The only Shaving Stick haying glove-fitting case cover. Never comes off except when taken off—. Beautiful package—and soap of that same quality—as has made the name. WILLIAMS famous in every English speaking country on the globe. dof that your Druggist give you WILLIAMS’. Insist (yoomen one inferior substitute go to a Drugeist that sells what is asked for. We mail one of these sticks—to any address on receipt of 25. in stamps. The J. B. WILLIAMS CO., Glastonbury, Ct., U. 5. A. Do aot sell Mixed or Compounded Goods. Prct according to age. No other house can furnish 014 Crow’ Rye Whiskey. Sold by us uncolored, unswett- ened, The Robert Stewart Rye Whiskey. Botiet at the Distillery. Tho best Eastern Rye. Sole agents lor the Pleasant Valley Wine Co. Sole agents for Inglenook Wines. Send fer Catalogue. 69 Fulton St., Broadway and 27th St., New York 40 Years in Fulton St. H.B. Kirk & Co. Banker, 50 Broadway, New York, Buys and sells Bills of Exchange on all parts of the world. comicbooks.com