Life — August 23, 1894 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

> LIFE Uz At I ORS Al Ns THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN “U" AND “1.”* (Addressed to an absent sweetheart.) HE difference between you and me Is this, dear—more 's the pity, — You're summering in the mountains, I'm simmering in the city ! “Do you know,” said 3 hat the boys at the club havea merry and most di one of the inevitable consequences of renouncing tack from the most unsuspected quarters. et loyal citizen that Iam, I have received a bitter blow from the United States cr It stabbed me, using the dead letter office as a daj ea month ago at the club I wrote a letter to the girl I am going to marry. intimate friends of the engagement, and Well, as | was saying I wrote to Alice Jevons that day at the T loved her very d 1 suppose my heart ran away with my pen, so to speak. PP tittle leee Tesatdown by the alanow tordicect the 1 got to gazing out on the fleecy clouds floating across the blue depths of the i uf open 10 a Now ni. raly one or two of my anounce it until fall. ‘ub, and told her how fond | was of her. ome strong: expressions. “To make a short story a I avelope. ity, and thinking about her, as a man does, you know. i Instead of that, a month later, came a nasty look- It never reached her. better wrong. elope addressed to hog official ‘Loving Tom, Ogden Ward, in Boston Transcript. . Man to his friend the other evening at the roof garden, ressing ‘find’on me. I suppose chelorhood that a man lays bim- It was like this : Thad told we weren't going to ger. hard that day, and I used ‘Well, I suppose I directed the in care of the club. The post office copie hadn't been able to find the girl, su they tried to send the drivel back to the one ibo wrote it, and their only clue was the signature and the engraved letter-head. “Well, nobody at the club could fancy who ‘Loving Tom’ was, so the house committee opened the envelope. The first thing they saw was * Alice’ and the first sentence was absolute inanity. ‘Then they recognized the writing and forbore to read further.” Mr. Man stopped to wipe (rom his brow the perspiration which, sprang forth at the thought of his mortification. ‘* Well, there's just one thing about it,” he added, thought- fully, “I'll never again sign myself ‘anything but my full name, even if I live to Methuselah and write to Mrs, Methuselah every day."—New York Tribune. “+ BILLINGER,” said Mrs, McSwat, ‘1 wish you would drive those rude, noisy children home that have been playing on our front walk all the afternoon.” * Can‘t you send them home, Lobelia?” “Tt wouldn't do any good for me to order them to go. They know I can't chase them, What they need isa good scare, and they'd get it if I were a man.” “Boys,” thundered Mr.” McSwat, appearing suddenly on the sidewalk about five minutes later with a huge club in his hand, “Ui give you just two seconds to get away from here, and if you come back again I'll skin you alive! Run, now! Scat! Get a move on you! Hustle, if you don't want every bone in your rascally little carcasses broken !” « * * « * “+ I'm getting ready for church as fast as I can, Billinger, and you know it,” said Mrs. McSwat, with her mouth full of hairpins. “+ I wish you wouldn't be so cross,” “Tm not cross, Lobelia," he answered, pacing back and forth and looking impa- tiently at his watch. “You're not?” “Tsay you are." “Tsay Pm not.” ** Billinger,” she said slowly, and pointing her finger straight at him ‘+ you have the reputation of being the crossest, surliest man in the neighborhood. There isn’t a child within half a dozen blocks of here that doesn’t run as soon as it sees you coming !” And Billinger went out and sat on the kitchen steps to cool off. — Chicago Tribune. all Newsdealers Company, Bream's Building, England, Aoxxrs. tm Great Britain. The Inter ery Lane, EUROPEAM AGEYTe—Memra, Brentano, 37 Avenue de l'Opera, : jews Ex: . Germany, Agents for Germany, Austria and Switzerland. Irritations of the SKIN and SCALP Odors from Perspiration Speedy Rellef by Using Packer’s Tar Soap ‘It Soothes while it Cleanses.’’ Medical and Surg. Reporter, Phila. MOUNT HOLYOKE. PROSPECT HOUSE. The Annex is now completed. Guests will be re- tived for any length of time. The red brain-workers bere tad a resort where perfect aanitary condi. tena, absolutely pure water, w! New Engiand ‘and drives, as well as ite pecticut’ Valley—a view be ed. information addres. form RESCH Mt Tom Station, Hampabire Cos Mase, by E de a, Calscne IMPORTED OVER 60 YEARS. 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