Life — July 26, 1894 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

> LIFE: TRAGEDY. THE servant girl's gone: she has left us in grief, And life's full of sorrow that knows no relief ; The piano it is that has brought the despair— She wanted an upright and ours is a square. —Exchange. a sunshiny morning and all nature was a-smile. : The birds were singing in ing trees, and the flowers were fi g the air with their fragrance. There was a ssin all the world, and the tramp ambled up to the kitchen door with a heart hope and a stomach full of room for breakfast. He banged away at the upper n the door and the cook made her appearance. Well, what do you want ?" she inquired in a tone slightly off the general pitch. ess," he responded coquettishly. jess not,” she retorted, slamming the door in his face, and he went out of there ad been hit in the back with a bag of railroad spikes.— Exchange. Tut late Bishop Selwyn delighted to tell the following racy incident in his varied xperience. While Bishop of Lichfield, he was walking one day in the Black Country, “observing a group of colliers seated by the roadside ina semi-circle with a brass B.citle in front of them, he had the curiosity to inquire what was going on Why, yer honor,” replied a grave-looking member of the group, Yon kettle isa prize for the fellow who can tell the biggest I t's a sort of wager. and I am the pire.” Amazed and shocked, the good Bishop said reprovingly, ** Why, my friends, I have never told a lie that I know of ce I was born There was a dead silence, only broken by the voice of the umpire, who said in a Heliberate tone: **Gie the Bishop the kettle."—E xchange. pox'T know what I'm going to do about my husband,” said the owl, with a sob. What's the matter ?” asked the sympathetic nightingal “+ His habits are getting to be something dreadful. This is the second time this week at he has been up all day."—7ruth, Wuite in charge of Salenmyo Telegraph Office, U. B., an intelligent Sepoy one day came in and handed mea message to send to a station in Central Indh Having read the message, I told him there was something wrong. No, sahib ; no, sahib; me knows English," he protested. Again | attempted to explain to him that it was worded wrong. ‘Me knows English," he declared, haughtily and indignantly. me report to superintendent, Mandalay.” hus threatened, I forwarded the message as under : “Come quick ; father dangerously dead."—Exchange. “If you no send, Customer: I thought you pretended to be a temperance man or a prohibitionist or something of that sort. : Lam, sir. Why don’t you sell prohibitionist goods then ? How do you mean ? Customer: I got a $1 umbrella here last week, and it came home soaked the first time I took it out. That's one thing. Three days ago I bought a pair of $3 trousers. I noticed they were a little full when I got them. Last night after the shower they got tighter'n any pants I ever had on, and to-day they're off again. | Then there's that thia coat I bought here; had a regular tear Wednesday and hasn't been fit for business since. You're in fine company here if you're a temperance man. Lemme see a stand-up collar if you've got one that can stand up.—Exchange. AN Augusta doctor perpetrated a witticism at his own expense late one night last week, He had lost his night Key, the door was locked, he was cold from a long ride, and the more he clanged the door bell the more the suspicion grew in his mind that some one had chloroformed the housthold. But his sister had been aroused by the bell. Some one to see the doctor and he’s out and I shall have to answer the bell or they'll ring all night,” she said to herself, and hurried down to the door clad in bed attire and sleepy impatience. Opening the door a crack, not far enough to present her dishabille to any fotruding eye, she shouted into the frosty air, ‘* The doctor's out,” and the door closed with the quickness of a camera slide. “Yes, | know he's out,” screamed the irate M.D., ‘and he wants to get in !'— Portland Advertiser. OF the twenty-six Barons who signed the Magna Charta three wrote their names and twenty-three made their mark, This is all changed now. Every Baron can write, but only a few succeed in making their mark.—Aoston Transcript. Do you love me, Algy ? ve you? ‘Why, I believe that I would be ass enough to marry you the second time if I had the chance. —Haé/o, For sale by all Newsdealere pational “News” Com| tain. The Inter. Great Brit Building, Chancery Lane, "~~~ UROFEAX AGEXTS—Memra. Brentano, 37 Avenue de TOpers, Parts; Saarbach's News Exchange, 1 Clarastrame, “Mayence, Germany, Agents for Germany, Austria and Gwitseriand. ine Watches of the Standard Foreign and Domestic makes CELEBRATED HATS, poe Ladies’ Round Hats and Bonnets And The Dunlap Silk Umbrella. 178 & 180 Fifth Avenue, bet. 22d & 234 Sts. and 181: Broadway, near Cortlandt St. NEW YORK. — Palmer House, Chicago. ‘M6 Chestnut 8, Phila Ga Agencies in all Principal Cities. Gold Medal Awarded, Paris Exposition, 1859, —at retail. Spautpinc & Co., (ixcorrorateo.) State and Jackson Sts., Chicago. 36 Ave. dg l'Opera, Paris. Our ‘Suggestion Book” mailed free. The Ideal HOTEL of America soe VENDOME > postcard, BOSTON wesitr ave. C. H, Greencear & Co, PROFILE WHITE HOUSE MT'NS Indisputably Location un- the leading surpassed in Summer Re- scenic at- sort of N.E. tractions. Tart & Greencear, EWIS 6. TEWKSBURY = _ Unen Line? K YOUR FURNISH Extra Qualité Sec, irritations uminy Vin Brut, vintage, 1884. Champagne. Sore Acent ror U.S. ANTHONY OCHS, No. 51 Warrea St., N.Y. City. of the SKIN and SCALP Odors from Perspiration vintage, 188). Speedy Rellef by Using Packer’s Tar Soap {t Soothes while it Cleanses.’’ Medical and Surg. Reporter, Phila, NOTICE. UBSCRIBERS TO “LIFE” will please give old address as well as new when re- questing change of same, HORTICULTURAL ARCHITECTS and BUILDERS, ‘And Largest Masatactarers of GREENHOUSE HEATING and VENTILATING APPARATUS. HITCHINGS & CO., Established $0 Veara, Conservatories, Greenhouses, Palm Houses, Etc. Erected Complete with Our Patent Iron Frame Construction. Plans and Latimates of Cost and filustrated Catalogues Seat on hooteatiea: 233 MERCER ST., N.Y. Banker, 50 Broadway, New York, Buys and sells Bills of Exchange on all parts of the world. comicbooks.com