Life — March 8, 1894 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

- LIFE: A story is told of two Irishmen who were caught asleep one night in the loft of a| Omsipus stops ; smiling young lady enters; every seat full; an old gentleman rises at the other en “Oh, don't rise !" says the lovely girl; ‘+ T-can just as well stand,” “You can do just as you please about that, miss,” says the old man, * but I'm going to get out."—Exchange, Mrs. OLDTIME: Ido think these colleges might teach boys a little sense. NEIGHBOR ; Don't they? Mrs. Otptime: No, they don't. feather bed for him to use this winter, and what do you think he wrote back was much obliged for that football suit, but it dida't quite fit.—Good Ne COLONEL GILBERT PIERCE, the late Minister to Portugal, once picked up in his arms a young lady who stood hesitating at the corner of a street in an Indian village, unable to cross it, because a shower had filled it with a rushing torrent of water. The young lady submitted without protest while the Colonel strode gallantly through the torrent until he deposited his fair charge on the opposite sidewalk, with dry feet. “Sir! she then said, indignantly, ‘are you aware that you have insulted me 2” “Twas not aware of it," replied the colonel; ‘but seeing that you are right, I beg to make amends." So saying. he picked up the protesting damsel and restored her to the point where he had first made her acquaintance. — Argonaut. I sent my grandson a nice, big, soft, warm He said he burning building. One of them hastily drew on his trousers and jumped from the window, In his fright and burry he had unconsciously pulled on the garment wrong side foremat with an effect which, when he recovered his equilibrium after the jump, excited his profou, consternation, “Pat! Pat! “* No, Moike,” me Oi'm fatally twisted !" called out his companion, still in the loft ; ‘air ye kilt intirely ?” eplied Pat, in hopeless tones, “it’s not kilt Oi am, me bye, but I far Your heart goes out in sympathy for the poor ? Yes ; though it sounds like rank egotism to say it.—Boston Transcript, SEVERAL municipal councillors of a large Swabian town had been indulging ther humorous faculties at the expense of an honest fellow burgess who was noted for bs rough-and-ready manne and it seemed as though they intended at all hazards to mae him the butt of their wit and ridicule for the rest of the evening. This was more tha our worthy citizen could stand. He therefore emptied his glass.and took his departure not, however, without giving the councillors a riddle to solve. + Well now, gentlemen, as you make yourselves out to be the cleverest people in the world, just tell me the difference between a horse and a donkey.” The ci fathers thought the matter over at considerable length. One replied : “A horse has short ears: a donkey long ones. Other answers followed from the rest. All wrong,” said the problem maker. replied When pressed for the correct answer, be A horse has never yet found its way into the Council Chamber, but—good-nigi, gentlemen ig he left the company of his abashed tormentors,—Lokalanseiger. a sdealers io Great Britain. a ream England,” Aouxre. Inter The Bulking, Chancery Lane, CELEBRATED HATS, —axD— Ladies’ Round Hats and Bonnets And The Dunlap Silk Umbrella, 178 & 180 Fifth Avenue, bet. 22d & 23d Sts, and 181 Broadway, near Cortlandt St. NEW YORK. Palmer House, Chicago, 914 Chestnut St., Phila, tar" Agencies in all Principal Cities. Gold Medal Awarded, Parts Exposition, 1859, PACKER'S TAR SOAP is undoubtedly the best Sham-| pooing agent known. It does| not dry the hair, but makes it soft! and glossy. It is refreshing and beneficial to the hair and skin. The Art of Dining. “Appetite comes with eating,” says Rabe-| fais. 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