Life, 1893-03-09 · page 13 of 16
Life — March 9, 1893 — page 13: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This *Life* magazine page contains two distinct pieces: **Top photograph:** A humorous social scene showing people ice skating. The caption presents a dated romantic joke: a woman told a man she'd be a "sister" to him (implying platonic friendship), but he took her literally and proposed marriage, now being miserable about it. **Main story:** "The Proper Thing to Do" recounts an anecdote from the American Civil War's Siege of Vicksburg. A German-accented artillery officer (Major Schwartz) urgently reports to General Grant that his battery has been captured. When Grant calmly asks if he "spiked the guns" (disabled them so enemies couldn't use them), Schwartz responds with mock horror that he didn't—instead, he says they retrieved the guns and brought them back. The humor relies on the German accent dialect writing and the absurdity of the officer's priorities, suggesting he protected the equipment rather than following proper military protocol. Both pieces are light social satire typical of the era.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
‘I'VE SUCH A JOKE ON CLARENCE." “OH, DO TELL ME,” ‘*HE ASKED ME TO BE A SISTER TO HIM, AND I TOLD HIM I WOULD BE HIS WIFE. HE TOOK ME IN EARNEST, AND IS MISERABLE.” THE PROPER THING TO DO. URING the Siege of Vicksburg, an incident occurred which was a source of amusement at the time. An important artillery position had been assigned to a battery commanded by Major Schwartz, a German, attached to General Grant’s command, Late in the day, while Grant was in his tent receiving dispatches from the front, a German orderly made his appearance, earnestly inquiring for “ Zhin- neral Grant.” After much parley his hearers, being con- vinced that his business with the General was important, admitted him to the latter's tent, where L. made the announcement: “ Schwartz’ bathery ish took!” “Well,” said the General, calmly, “did you spike the guns?" “ What!" shrieked the little German, * schpike dem guns? Dem new guns? Vy, it would schpile ‘em !" “ Well, what d¢d you do?” said Grant, impatiently. “Vy, we took ‘em pack again, py tam!" comicbooks.com