Life — February 16, 1893 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

-LI NEAREST HIS HEART. MAN may be proud of his dress shirt, so white, That shows the laundresses art, But he'll have to admit, if he tells you the truth, That his undershirt’s nearest his heart. —The Clothiers’ and Haberdashers' Weekly. Mus. IRONS (matron of the well-known Irons boarding house) : Sergeant, I wish you would send a squad of police duwn tu my house as quick as you can ! Potice OFFICIAL: Calm your excitement, Mrs, Irons. What is the trouble ? + We've got a burglar locked up in the cellar !"" * How did he get in?" “Through an outside window. We heard him moving about in the cellar and one of the boarders got up and shpped outside and fastened the shutters tight, and the only door he can get out at is locked. , we've got him !"" “Is there anything of value in your cellar?” * Anything of value ? fow long has he been dowr there?” Since about 4 o'clock. summon the coroner." : Nearly three hours.” (fering toward the teleshone) “ Madam, this is not a case for the police. There's a dozen of my best mince pies and some cold meat, Twill ‘The young man had been arrested for fast driving and the Judge questioned him. “You have been arrested for fast driv .”” said the Court, FE: “Yes, your honor, but the charge isn’t true."” “The arresting officer says you were going a three-minute gait.” “+ T wasn’t timing the horse, your honor, but I have a dozen witnesses who w they passed me with their teams, and every one howled and asked me why I didn horse that could go out of a walk ” “That's so, yer honor.” put in the policeman, innocently ; ‘he’s the only waz thim Oi cud catch, bad cess to thim.” ’ ‘The judge dismissed the case.— Detroit Free Press, : [tell you, when I see one of these hard-working, patient school-ma'an ng off my hat to her in reverence. Muoce: [tried that once and her brother kicked me clear across a street.— /ndie apoti. Journat, MANAGER: Ab, yes; I remember you now. You are the song and dance s who wishes to join my company. What is your compass ? APPLICANT: If you refer to my voice, why it’s only two octaves, but I can kick ¢ nineteen, —Cincinnats Commercial Gazette. In Mr. Sergeant Robinson's book entitled ‘* Beach and Bar," there are some whig sical stories of days gone by. Among these is the following sentence, once pronouso| on a prisoner by an occupant of the berch at the Old Bailey: ‘It is in my power subject you to transportation for a period very considerably beyond the tern: of yo natural life, but the court, in its mercy, will not go so far as it lawfully might go." G another occasion the same judge addressed the culprit: ‘ Prisoner at the bar, if there was a clearer case than this of a man rubbing his master, this case is that case.” 1, another prisoner he considerately offered ** a chance of redeeming a character that tet irretrievably lost."—Argonaut, Tommy Fic: Sister's beau kicked my dog yesterday, but I got even with bia y Briccs: How? V FIGG: TI mixed quinine with her face powder.—/ndianu polis Journal, THE GREAT MEDICINAL FOOD, DELICATE. INFIRM ano PERSONS. Pe SOHN CARLE A GRAND COMBINATION YALE MIXTURE FOR THE PIPE. A Delightful Blend of St. James Parish, Lousiana, Perique, Genuine Imported Turkish, Extra Bright Plug Cut, Extra Bright Long Cut, and Marburg ‘Bros.’ Celebrated Brand “Pickings.”” MARBURG BROS. SO Years im ructon steer. H.B. KIRK & CO. 00 NOT SELL Mixed or Compounded Goods PRICe ACCORDING TO AQE. No other house can furnish “OLD CROW” RYE WHISKEY. Sold by us uncolored, unsweetened. Sole Agents for The PLEASANT VALLEY WINE CO. Sole Agents for the Inctunoox Wines. NEAD & CELEBRATED HATS, —AND— Ladies’ Kound Hats and Bonnets And The Danlap Silk Umbrella. 178 & rho Fifth Avenue, bet. 22d & a34 Ste. and 18: Broadway, near Certlandt St. NEW YORK. Palmer House, Chicago. ‘916 Chestnot St, Phila. £97~ Agencies in all Principal Cities, Gold Medal Awarded, Paris Exposition, 1889. The Emma Willard Ribbon Leader. ‘Patented March, 180. Replaces the Old Fashioned Bodkin. Saves Time, Trouble and Temper. Leads Ribbon or Tape of any width through Hem or Lace without twisting. For sale at the notion counters of all ry Goods Stores. MORGAN & CO., New York. (Blanket For Lounging, For the Sick Room, For Steamer Travelling, For the Nursery, For the Railway Carriage, For the Bath, For Yachting, For Men, Women, Children, and the Baby, 5 to #35, with hood and girdle complete. Samples and full instructions sent on appll- Send for Catalogue. 69 FULTON 8ST. - 9 WARREN 8f. Broadway & 27th 8t., New York. cation. AT NOYES BROS.’ 426 Wasninaton St., Boston, U. 8. A. “{SPAULDING& s#NCORPORATED.) Gold ana Silver Smit CHICAGO. It is universally admitted that the Pa i|designs are the most unique and bead that can be secured. Our Paris house iq jl]|us supplied with alt the latest novelties» France—and all Europe—is constantly ducing. Our stock includis all bie |Z me~Pioces —the best made at land abroad— Sterling Silverwan || Diamonds of tho first water—Cl ||Gemy, Bricea-Brac, Fans, ete. Send for our ** Suggestion Boos "fn WILLIAMS! SHAVING STICK. ?{ Million. The consumption of WIL! U) Shaving Stick in 1891 was for over 21,000,000 shave 36 Ave, de l'Opera, farts. State & Jacks: Chicago. No shaving stick equals it. By reason | of its wonderful richness, cool, heal- ing qualit is now being used by nearly all who prefer soap in stich | form. Have you tried WILLtasts’ ? —— DALY'S THEATRE, Broadway and ys Every Evening at 8:r5. Matineesber2 thakespeace’s Merrtest Con» dy, TAMING THE SHKEW. Matinees Wednesday and Saturday. ¥|Tuceday, February 2iet, TWELFTH NM LIFE’S FAIRY TALES. By JOHN A. MITOHELL, Editor of “ Life” and author of “The Last Amer: A series of clever fairy tales, full of the quaint humor that marks Mr, Mitchell's «7a With numerous illustrations by Gibson, Johnson, Attwood and others. i Fully as amusing as * The Last American,” which was one of the most successful ever published in this country, and which is no} seighth edition, Well printed on good paper and bound in dark blue cloth, appropriately sta? ink and gold. 1 vol., 16mo. $1.00. Sent to any address on receipt of price (at the publishers’ expense.) FREDERICK A. STOKES CO., 27 West Twenty-third St SUPERIOR to VASELINE and CUCUMBERS to VASELINE softening, whitening and complexion. Most efficacious f the skin. CUMBERS affections 0! : cu J. SIMON 36, rue de Provence “PARIS PARK & TILFORD, New-York: Druggists, Perfumers, Fanoy goods stor and perfuming tht for light} comicbooks.com