Life — February 2, 1893 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

-LIFE- LIFE’S EXAMINATION PAPERS. . IIL, FoR AFTER-DINNER SPEAKERS, 1. Do you subscribe for all the humorous journals ? 2. Have you any conscientious scruples against chestnuts ? 3. Would you rather speak five minutes or an hour and a half? 4. Would you be embarrassed if every one at the table should yawn simultaneously ? 5. Do you think that the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals might profitably extend its labors to the protection of diners-out? 6. When you return home do you ever lic to your wife about the enthusiasm your remarks aroused ? 7. Do not the very things you should have said at the dinner occur to you the morning afterwards ? ——— 8. Does it hurt-your'feelings at all when you read the account of the dinner in the next morning papers to find that for some reason or other the reporters have entirely over- looked your speech ? g. If your best friend happens to be at the table, would you hesi- tate to wound his feelings if thereby you could raise a laugh ? 10, Are you usually as much bored by the other speeches as other people are by yours ? 11, Can you imagine any bitterer grief than to be full of a speech and then not to be called upon to deliver it? 12, Would it annoy you if when you were delivering your speech all the guests should depart and leave you to finish it to the chairman and EARLY MO(U)RNING, waiters ? im thlitds Will {I “GIVE ME SOME HOPE. YoU, DO you?” “*No-o. EVERYBODY SAYS IT’S A CASE OF JANUARY AND May, AND THERE'S ONLY THREE MONTHS DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THEM, You KNow.” YOU DON'T THINK I'M TOO OLD FOR JONES: I hear your friend married a Western girl. GiLes: Yes, He went to Colorado to save his lungs and succeeded only in losing his heart. NEW DIMENSIONS. If ENVELOPES KEEP PACE WITH POSTAGE STAMPS, WHERE SHALL WE BE?