Life — December 29, 1892 — page 43: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE city editor had worked off the ancient Egyp- tian chestnut of the philosopher who accidentally tipped over a small water-bottle just as he dropped p, and after dreaming a forty-eight-column non- pareil dream, awoke to find the water not yet all run out. I had told my famous story of the man who was overcome by slumber just as the clock was striking midnight, dreamed a long, complicated dream that it took him half of the next day to tell to his junior clerk, who couldn't get away, and awoke to hear the last three of the twelve strokes. Cooper had sat silently listening; but now he braced up manfully, and with a look of desperate resolve he began : “1 had an even more wonderful experience than those you have been relating, gentlemen, myself. | had been out interviewing strikers, and when I got into the office, and handed in my last bit of copy, I was dead beat out. I came over here to my comer and dropped into this chair, and was asleep before struck the cushion, 1 straightway began to dream, I lived a whole lifetime, from a little babe to old age. Every step of my education, every difficult lesson, was reviewed in detail, even to intricate geometrical problems. I ell in love, courted and married three different girls, committed a murder, lived through every Incident uf along trial, and served a sentence of twenty years, every day of ‘which was distinct and full of minute incidents of prison life. * Sailed on a three years' voyage around the world, and in the last month of the last year was wrecked on adesert island ; captured by cannibals; neasly crushed by a boa-constrictor; rescued by the Rus- sians, only to be sentenced to Siberia, from which L escaped and wandered through the Arctic regions tor months. Did splendid work as reporter on a moming newspaper for several years, and the city editor was just about to make me his assistant, when ' suddenly awoke. Some one had placed a’ pin in that chair, and I had dreamed that entire dream hetween the moment when I started to sit down and when I struck that pin.” ‘And the city editor and I arose, put on our coats in beaten silence, and went home to bed.— Harper's azar. “There's one wise thing about having only one leg,” said the veteran. ** A pair of socks lasts twice as long as they would otherwise."—£. ‘AND THIS 1S THE FOUNDER OF OUR HOUSE, HE FOUGHT UNDER WILLIAM THE CONQUEROR.” “TI SUPPOSE YOU ARE VERY PROUD OF HiM?"* “WE y. YOU SEE HE IS THE ONLY '92-SEASON-'93. New and Original Stylesin JACKETS, CAPES, FUR GARMENTS, ETC. A. Jaeckel, FURRIER, 11 East 19th Street, New York. Bet. Broadway and 5th Ave. Receiver of the grand gold medal of the Paris Exposition Universelle, 1889. Catalogues Sent on Application, Mention Lire. ‘+ ONE of the coolest actions I ever observed in the course of my express experience,” said an_ express messenger to a reporter of the Cincinnati Trmes- Star, was that of a rough fellow from New Mexico. He was poorly dressed, and boarded our train at Tombstone on a second-class ticket, depositing at the same time a box in the care of the express agent, labeled * Rattlesnakes—handle with care." Itwas a small soap box and not very heavy, but you can bet that box was zealously guarded. At Kansas City he came and got the box and carried it off to a bank. ‘The banker was a friend of mine, and, meeting him the next day, 1 asked what that fellow did in the bank with the rattlesnakes. ‘Rattlesnakes! Well, that’s a good joke on the express company,’ be replied. “That box had. exactly $80,000 in $10 greenbacks in it.’ “If the money had been entered as money we woukd have charged him a neat sum for its transpor- tation, but by labeling it rattlers, he had it carried for a trifle, and I'll venture it was more secure from robbers under that simple title than it would have been in the stoutest safe."—Hoston Transcript, Wire: Do you think Tommy disturbs our neighbors with his drum ? Hivanann: I'm afraid so, They male hiro a jaeseat of a nice new knile to-day.—Rvchester Jury. Mr. SHORTWEIGHT (dealer in coal): 1 want you to settle for that ton of coal you got a few days ago. A man has to pay for what he gets in this world. Customer: You are right, sir. And when he buys coal he has to pay for a lot he doesn’t get. STUART: Was it protection that enabled Fergall to acquire his enormous wealth ? McCaustic: Certainly; for six years he_was a New York police captain.— The Club. * JENNY," called out Mrs. Wilson to her beautiful daughter upstairs, ‘I've got the washing ready for you to hang out. Then Miss Jenny put aside the novel she was reading, rolled’ up the sleeves from her lovely white arms, and going down stairs filled her pretty mouth with ‘clothes-pins and hung out the clothes, just as young M'Garrigan went by to his dinner. The engagement will be announced shortly. comicbooks.com