Life, 1892-02-04 · page 9 of 16
Life — February 4, 1892 — page 9: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# Page Analysis This page from *Life* magazine contains a narrative story with accompanying illustrations rather than political cartoons. The text describes a man (identified as "the Perfect Man") attending a wedding, becoming disgusted by the bride's pale appearance and her father's need to support her, then transforming into a golden-haired boy to disrupt the ceremony. The story appears to be satirizing idealized masculine virtue and social pretense—the "Perfect Man" character is hypocritically judgmental despite claiming moral superiority. The magical transformation suggests absurdist humor mocking rigid social conventions around weddings and gender roles. The bottom section includes a comedic dialogue between a doctor and "Happy Parent" about twin births, continuing the satirical tone about domestic life and parenthood.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
*LIFE- as a blue-bottle fly. When he neared the church, he saw at once some wedding was afoot, and he said to himself : “ Here's for a look at her. I always did love a bride!" and he sailed boldly through the open door. Flying straight over the heads of the people until he was well in front, he looked about and then sat himself on the chancel rail. The great organ was pouring forth a wedding march, and all eyes were turned eagerly toward the entering bride. She was pretty, but very pale, and it seemed to Mr. Pinfeather Presto that, were it not for her father’s arm, she would have sunk to the floor. A glance at the groom, and he recognized at once the Perfect. Man.“ That explains it!" he muttered angrily. “ He'll nag her to death with his beastly goodness, and she knows it!" As his eyes fell again upon her unhappy face, his soul revolted at the sacrifice. “It’s a shame!" he muttered; “and what's more, I'll stop it!” Then, acting upon a quick resolve he buzzed away to a distant corner of the church, and disappeared behind a column. In less than twenty seconds he emerged, this time as a beautiful golden haired boy, just big enough to run about. 2? The clergyman had begun the ceremony, and there was a solemn hush upon the congregation. Sud- denly all ears were startled by a child’s voice, and all were turned upon the beautiful boy as he ran swiftly up the aisle. Then the Perfect Man felt a pair of chubby arms clasped tightly about his knees, and heard in a clear voice that penetrated every corner of the church : “ Papa, says 00 mustn’t have anuzzer wife.” A thrill of horror swept over the congregation. The bride eyes mamma “00 MUSTN'T HAVE ANCZZER Wark” “THK BRIDE SWOONED DEAD Away,” swooned dead away and hung limp in her father's arms. The Perfect Man pushed rudely away the beautiful boy, and his own surprise and horror were taken for the embarrassment he would naturally display at the discovery of his guilt. All was tumult and confusion among the assembled friends, who quickly left the church to talk it over in each other's houses. A more enjoyable horror was never experienced in that particular village. The maiden afterwards married the faulty young man she really loved, and they are still living happily together. The beautiful boy was never scen again and to this day is believed to have been murdered by his father, who finally drowned himself to escape the contempt of his neighbors. J. A. Mitchell. you are to be con- gratulated. You are the father of twins. HAPPY PARENT (doubtfully): That's so. have been triplets. Doctor (to newly made father): Sir, They might comicbooks.com