Life — January 28, 1892 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

LIFE AT SEIGORS AT WLLi & A TRIMOUNTAINOUS TALE. KISS was very wrong, she said, A thing no lady would allow ; How could a person Boston-bred So race her education ? zht | happened round yn street and called on her,— She hated kissing, but I found She would with very slight demur Submit to oxculation. —/farvard Lampoon Asan instance of acute hydrophobia, it is difficult to surpass the story of the Scotch boatman who, while crossing a loch, was asked if he would take some water with his whisky, and replied a, there was a horse drooned at the heed o' the loch "twa years ago." The head of the loch was twenty-four miles distan Chapping, Chafing, Dandruff, Odors from Perspiration. Speedy Relief by Using XPERT witnesses are allowed to give evidence as to what is their opinion, and hence are out of the reach of an indictment for perjury, which always hangs over the head of the ordinary witness, who can testify to fact only. Apropos of this, there used to be a saying current, years ago, of a judge who recognized three degrees in liars: the liar Simple, the d—d liar, and the expert witness. Argonaut, PortLy dame, with the aid of her maid, struggling into her last season's winter jacket—"' Why, Jane, I really believe this thing has shrunk.” “Ves, mim: it is really wonderful how clothes do shrink at your time of life.” "— Blackstone's Commentarie: ADVERTISER (angrily); If you think I'm this advertisement you're very much mistaken. ADVERTISEMENT AGENT: But, why? What's the matter with it ? ADVERTISER ; You promised to put it in next to reading matter, and you've got it alongside a column of poetry 2—Lord” Bacon's Novum Organun, ng to pay you for Seeker: So your friend, Dumbleton, has written a novel, eb ? He has, for a fact. What is his plot ? : His plot seems to have been to inveigle the public into book that fsn't worth reading. Boston Courier. The ‘Shortest Line to Omata is via the Chicago, Milwankes & St. Panl R’y, as represented on this map. [.g10u% CITY Packer’s CELEBRATED HATS, AND Iadles’ Round Hats and Bonnets and The Dunlap Silk Umbrella. 8 & 180 Fifth Avenue, bet, 22d and 23d Ste., and 181 Broadway, near Cortlandt St., NEW YORK. Electric Lighted, Steam Heated Vestibuled Trains Tar Soap. “It Soothes while it Cleanses.”” Medical and Surg. Reporter, Phila, Palmer House, Chicago, 914 Chestnut St., Phila $7 Agencies in all Principal Cities Gold Medal Awarded, Paris Exposition, 18%. Leave Chicago dai p.m, Time, New York Office, 381 Broadway. Chicago Office, 207 Clark Street. GEO. H, HEAFFORD, Gen, Pass, Agt, Chicago, Il! at 6 p.m, and 11,10 1534 hours. ONLY $1.00 A YEAR. POSTAGE PAID. Fun for 40 Minutes ana Information for a Month GO WITH RVERY COPY OF Life’s [lonthly Calendar ! It tells you everything, and more, too, Rich and Poor may have it now, as the price is only 10 cents, with ALY'S THEATRE, BROADWAY & 30th STREET. Evenings at 8.15. Matinee Wed. and Sat. Until further notice, “ NANCY & CO.” Next week. “Love & Tandem.” ALLSOPP's ALE. Poties ot be the tn ‘Brylane. Highest Grade Imported. Copious Reading Matter E D E N JA and Profuse Illustrations ! «+ Single Copies, 10 Cents... Are You in Need of Fine Stationery ? How is it that every lady desiring the most select corres- pondence papers insists on having those made by the Whit- ing Paper Company ? It must be because they are the best. Ask your stationer for the “Standard Linen,” and you will use no other in future, Wuitinc Paper Company, New York Offices: 150 and 152 Duane Street. Bold Everywhere. E. L, ZELL, Agt., 92 Pearl St., N. Y, AND Goya leily. comicbooks.com