Life — December 31, 1891 — page 50: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

LIFE ‘aS ee: =amrieraa| Is the diaries of the late Mr. Cope, R. A., published by Bentley & Son, the following story is given as told hts sister-in-law: ‘She met a farmer friend PE de dnt ie cy and said to him, ‘I hear, John, that you're lately married ; who is your wife ?" Pars VC oh § Al Vv V) + Weel, Miss Renning, 1 doan't quite know.* = * How so? Where did you meet with her?’ ‘Aweel, ye see, miss, I went market, and as I was going I seed a canny lass warking along ¢ road, and I says, * Will ye git oop and ride?” THE JOYFUL BACHELOR. “Ay,” says she. So she gat oop, and 1 asked her, ‘Are ye gangin tot’ et? F there's one thing in the wide, wide world a Aye Says she That makes a bachelor rejoice, Me aye st That makes him in a burst of glee What for? Lift up his rich, melodious voice, It is to sit him down to eat, All innocent, and bland, and mild, And have them put rig xt to him An infantile and smeary child. says I *: To git a plaace, ’ says she. ‘So PSet her down i U market and left her ; and as Icom’ back i’ U evening there was this same lass warking t’ Same way oop hill. So I spak* to her again, and axed her, ye gotten yer plaace ? oston Courier Mr. WALTER BESANT tells the following story of a disputed cab fare \ So she got oop, and I axed her, ** D’ye think my plaace would suit ye?” friend of mine drove from Piccadilly to some place in the suburbs outside the What plaace is that?" says she, radius, On getting down he tendered three shillings and sixpence for his fare Why to y wife.” says 1 this was a little over the proper fare. ‘The driver wanted five shillings. The pas- I doan't mind,” says she. senger refused, ‘I'd like to fight you (or it," said the driver, ‘The very thing !° “So we got wed, and she’s a rare good wife, but she’s a parfect straanger to cried my friend, who had never in his life put on a boxing-glove, and was almost me.’"—Londen Daily News. as ignorant as'Mr. Pickwick even of the fighting attitude. ‘The very thing! Capital! We'll have the fight in the back garden, my brother will look on, hold the stakes, and see fair.” The cabman got down slowly “Twas pleased," continued the narrator, * to discover that he appeared almost as much afraid as I was myself, perhaps—if that was possible—even more. E followed into the back gard where * was a lovely little bit of turf, quite enough for practical pu placed my five shillings in my brother's Js, took off my coat and waistcoat and rolled up my sleeves, all with an appear- ¢ of cheerful alacrity. Now, my friend . Lam ready as soon as you are” ‘The anviety of the moment was, I confess, very great. But it decreased as | watched the man’s face express ssively all the emotions of bounce, surprise, doubt, hesitation, and abject cowardice No," he said," gimme the three-and-six ; 1 know your tricks, both of you I've been done this way before.” And so, grumbling and swearing, he drove away." —Argonaut. Tis advice was given by an okl lady to a young wife going out to the colonies, and looking fora maid to accompany her: “Take a pretty one, my dear,” stid the old lady, “for, ugly or pretty, she will have an offer of marriage e she is out a week ; and, while your ugly girl will say * Yes" to the first 1s.and leave you, your pretty one will be harder to please, and say I times before she Consents." — Argonaut. Bixco: Un going to bring my wife around to call on you to-night. Wititerny : “That's right; but do me a favor, old man. Don't let her wear her new sealskin cloak. [don't want my wife to see it just now Rixco (grimly): Why, that s what we are coming for.—C/ ++ I's hard luck to have a homely prima donna in comic opera.” “Because all the chorusgirls have to be so much homelier.""—/arrisow Telegraph. Tiere is, in St. Paul, a certain preacher, of Hibernian antecedents, who con- + himself to be in direct. communication with the well of English undefiled, “Wi did Bing, the prime minister of the Cannibal Islands, lead the revolt is generally credited with the possession of as rich a brogue as can be found — against Dong-Dong >” ywhere in Tipperary. Some mention was made of his peculiar pronunciation at + Why, a cargo of freaks was cast ashore, and in the division of the spoils a church meeting, which greatly angered him, He immediately called upon one of 4g got nothing but the ossified man,"— Rochester Post-Express, his leading parishioners, and, after complaining of the injustice done him, asked him whether, in his opinion, a single trace of the brogue was to be observed in his Mk. BLEEKER: Young man, you have asked for my daughter's hand; speech. '* Well,” his friend answered, ** if you wish to deny it, F should advis: how do you expect to live and support her on ten dollars a week ? you to do so in writing." Argonaut, Crotnesny Scapps : ens! Is that all you get 2—7ruth. The “Kayser Patent Finger Tipped” Silk Glove Means a Silk Clove that wears as long at the Finger Tips as the rest of the Clove. VEXATION. IGHT o’clock—he's coming. 1 can hear bim at the door, And I heard his carriage rumbling in the street; And he told me to be ready very promptly. What is more— He'll expect me to be looking very sweet. For I'm to meet his mother- the first time in my life. They say that first impressions ne'er are wrong— So I have got to please her, if I'm to be his wife; And I really must not keep her waiting long. And here | am all ready—save one thing—I cannot tind (These things are such a bother when one loves.) I won't wear any others, and I cannot leave behind My Kayser Patent Finger Tipped Silk Gloves. comicbooks.com