Life — February 12, 1891 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

- LIFE: A VALENTINE FANCY. POLICE COURT DRAMAS. Dramatis Persona. Juvce Reity O'Divvex—A saloon-keeping, Irish, Catholic, Tammany, Democratic appointee of a saloon-backing, Irish, Catholic, Tammany Democratic Mayor. Jexey McGuinx—An Irish, Catholic, Tammany, Democratic clerk of the court, appointed by Judge O'Divver. Mr. McGuirk hopes to realize enough from the position to set up a saloon of his own, Justice—Who has nothing to do with the case, Batuires, Correns, Busts, ef al. IS HONOR (sotto voce): Mr. McGuirk, I'm not feelin’ well this mornin’, win’ to the fistivities at Alderman Rourke’s openin’ last night, Plaze step over to McCarty's and get a pint of rye and put it under the desk where it will be within easy reach, (A/oud.) Furrust case, PoLiceman DENNIS : arrest. His Honor: Fwhat have you to say, prisoner? THe PRISONER: What's the use of sayinganything. I stopped to give a man a light when this fellow ordered me to move on, Because I waited to have my cigar handed back he hit me on the head with his night stick, I tried to get a look at his number, but before I could succeed he clubbed me into unconsciousness and dragged me to the ‘station-house. His Honor : Sidney Goelet, corner loafing and resisting ‘Ten dollars fine on each charge. Next case, Derective RAFFERTY: o'clock at the Italian Ball. Tie PRISONER: Mon dieu, Monsieur, zat is not ze trut'’, He make ze arrest because I not give him one dollar on every bottle I sell. Ze people will not pay more zan six dollars ze bottle, and Koster an’ Victor Garcon, selling wine after one Bial charge five dollars, so if 1 give him one dollar I have nussing for myself. His Honor (sotto voce): Mr. ball ? THE CLERK: Yes, your Honor. His Honor (aside to the detective): \'m sorry, Rafferty, but I've got to let this waiter go. Them's the instructions. Run him in on some other charge and I'll fix him for you. (A/oud.) Prisoner, you're discharged. Next case. McGuirk, was that Koster & Bial's Poticestan Fercusox : Helen Johnson, Disorderly conduct. THE Prisoner: It is not true, your honor, My husband was taken ill about midnight, and our servant had left us and I was obliged to go to the drug store alone, This man accosted me— His Honor: Ten days onthe Island, Next case. Poticeman X.: Jerry Thug, hack driver, Arrested on a warrant for violating the city ordinance. His Hoxor: Who's the complainant? A RESPECTABLE Citizex: Iam, your honor. Icame in on a late train and engaged this man to drive me from the Grand Central Depot to my residence on Fifth avenue near Forty-first street, When I got out of the cab he demanded five dollars, threatening violence if I did not pay. A policeman came along but refused to interfere. His Hoxor: You'd better withdraw the complaint. These boys has got to live, you know, THE COMPLAINANT: No, sir; I refuse to withdraw the complaint. THE CLERK (sotto voce): That's one of Commissioner Grogan’s rigs that Jerry drives. His Honor: Tue CLERK: No more to-dav His Honor: Anybody havin business with the Court will step up to the desk. Womax with Baby 1x Her ARMS: Your Honor I want to get the bar-tender in Alderman O'Neill's saloon arrested. He struck my husband in the head with a gas-pipe and for the last two weeks he hasn't been able to work. His Hoxor: In Alderman O'Neill's, is it ? THE Woman: Yes. His Honor: You'd better see Mr. O'Neill furrust. man and he'll make it all right. Discharged. Next case. He's a fine comicbooks.com