Life — June 12, 1890 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

- LIFE: THE HOME GUARDS. A TRAGEDY OF ERRORS, and I must look out for my own interests. As the first baby of the White House, I have a reputation to sustain, and I will not have it said by posterity that I stood idly by and saw affairs being mismanaged, and the administration falling into contempt, and did not protest to the utmost of my baby’ breath!” and Baby McKee quivering with indignation, swung his right fist and brought it down thump on the table. “Well, Mac.,” said Mr. Harrison, weakly, when he had fairly recovered, “ what you say is true, but what can I do?” “Do?” exclaimed Baby McKee, “Why, brace up—be a man—discharge Mr. Blaine—tell Mr. Wanamaker that you object to his running the Post Office as a side show to his emporium ; tell Mr. Quay that he will have to find some other president to boss.” “Yes,” said Mr. Harrison, “that’s all very well, but Mr. Blaine might not let me discharge him, and Mr. Wanamaker and Mr. Quay might tell me to mind my own affairs.” Baby McKee paced the floor moodily, with his hands clasped behind his back. At last he stopped and, facing Mr. Harrison, said; “ What we want, is to bring ourselves before the public ; we want to attract the attention of the people to the administra- tion; we want to keep the eye of the nation upon us, and to do so we must rouse ourselves and act promptly. Finding rats in the White House, and putting my milk bottle on the window sill were both well enough in their way. They attracted atten- tion, but it will not do to repeat them. We must make a supreme effort. We must do something that the people will talk about, and wonder at; something that even one of your most out-of-the-way postmasters will hear of ; something that the papers of the land will devote columns to, and this some- thing I have thought of.” “ What—what is is it?’ asked Mr. Harrison, eagerly, “In permitting this,” said Baby McKee, after carefully adjusting a safety pin, “ you will understand that no precedent for the future is established, and only the exigency of the case causes me to permit it atall. I will allow you,” he said, speaking slowly, that every word might have its due weight, “I will allow you to spank me.” Mr. Harrison started from his seat, his features working violently, and crying aloud “* Mac., thank Heavens, you have saved the administration!” fell sobbing upon Baby McKee’s neck. comicbooks.com