Life — December 12, 1889 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THAT ALL-ABSORBING THOUGHT. New Policeman: Hert Now, NONE OF THAT! COME ALONG WITH ME, YELL CRACK NO HOUS Gentleman of the House (getting in late): SUA You jst GIT INTO THEM SHOES AND THIS NIGHT. Su! You'.t wake THE BABy— HOW TO BEHAVE. AT THe THEATRE. I, Remove your hat upon entering the auditorium, particularly if it is a straw hat in mid- winter, Nothing more quickly demonstrates lack of social position than the wearing of a straw hat in December. Il. Do not pin your programme to the back of the person in the seat before you. This rule must be observed with particular attention when the person in the seat before you is a lady: dressed in décolleté IIL. In entering the theatre late remember that etiquette does not require you to kick the beaver hat you are likely to see in the aisle further than the orchestra rail. IV. Do not smoke while there are ladies on the stage, or climb uver the music stand of the leader of the orchestra to light a cigarette at the footlights, “V7 Gentlemen seated in the front row must remember not to put their umbrellas or canes in the trombone, nor is it de rigueur to use the end of the flute of flageolet pointed toward you for a hat-rack. VI. No matter how overheated the theatre may be, gentlemen may not remove their dress coats and collars, even though they may be unaccompanied by ladies, VIL. Never, under any circumstances, must you interfere with the play. If the hero is making a fool of himself let him do so, and do not attempt to explain away the difficulties that arise in the first act, for, as.a rule, if they were explained the play could not go on, VIIL, Be just in the distribution of your applause, If you think the supers carry on tables and chairs with greater ease than the villain dies or the hero proposes applaud the supers, Never hiss a He may lay for you outside. IX. Should you suddenly remember as the curtain falls on the last act that you have seen the play before, do not demand the return of your money, but write a letter to the papers and denounce the managers as swindling hypocrites and dealers in chestnuts, Except at amateur performances it is not considered good gh when the heroine dies. pstume. super, however. XI. Flowers are an appropriate tribute to actors and actresses and may with propri- ety be thrown upon the stage, but fruit, vegetables, and other delicacies and indeli- cacies of the season are tabooed in polite circles. XII. In putting on your overcoat at the conclusion of the performance endeavor not to knock off the hats of any of the ladies within reach, and as far as possible refrain from gouging out eyes and breaking ribs or noses with your elbow. XILL. Ladies must not put their overshoes in the silk hats of gentlemen in the front seats, nor on rainy days should gentlemen stand their dripping umbrellas in the ladies’ rubbers. XIV. Bonbons may be eaten in the the- atre with perfect propriety, but ham sand- wiches, anchovy toast and Welsh rarebit should be kept at home to be eaten after the performance. A MODEST MAIDEN. Will you share my lot ? SHE: How large is your lot? HE: The world is my parish. SHE: No—I don’t want the earth, HE musical critic should neces- sarily be a man of good sound judgment. LOVE A LA MODE. Maude: On, Evie! Way, 1 MAVE NOT SEEN YOU FOR YEARS! WHAT HAVE YOU REEN DOING WITH YOURSELF ? Elsie: VVE BREN GETTING MARRIED! Maude: GETTING MARRIED FOR LOVE? Elsie: Yt8, YOR LOVE—OF MONEY— comicbooks.com