Life — November 14, 1889 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

a =) AMORITA, es * LUBE’ AT SESSERS MT NLL Provey : I hear you've been getting married, Tooxer : Yes. Whom did you marry ? TooKER: Milly Jones, her mother, her stepfather and two maiden aunts,—Harper's Bazar. SALESMAN : Well, whatcher want ? Customer : I want to buy a hat. SaLesmax: Why didn't yer say so? ain't no morgue! Customer : I don't like to be spoken to like that. SauesMan: Yer don't? Well, whatcher stoppin’ the wheels 'f trade fer? Did yer ever see a real hat ? Customer: That's enough! Good day. SALESMAN: Just wait a moment, sir. I recognize you as the ticketseller at the Imperial Central Station. I tried to buy a ticket of you yesterday, and I've just endeavored to giye you an imitation of the way you treated me, What's the size, sir? uch. Move lively now. This Currie: Yaas, Gladstone is a gweat man, but I'd wather be Bwight, doncherknow ! Citaprie : John Bwight is dead, deah boy. “Aw, I mean the fellah who intwoduced Bwight's disease. Pwince has taken it up, doncherknow !— Boston Jimes. The 279 Soste years ago when Judge H. G. Hicks was not as prosperous as he has been in later years he owed a little bill of twenty-five dollars to a well-known firm and one of the members came to see him about it. The judge, then a plain colonel, lately returned from the war, frankly confessed’ that he was “busted " and asked for an extension of time, ‘Can't do it," said the gentleman ; **if you don't pay it we'll have to sue you." ** How can I pay when I haven't got the money?” asked the colonel; ‘all I want is a little time.” “Well, we'll have to bring suit,” said the gentleman, as he started off. “Hold’on," said the colonel, as a bright idea struck him; “if you must sue me, why not give me the case? You will have to employ some lawyer.” “That's so,” said the gentleman ; ‘all right, bring the suit.” Colonel Hicks brought the suit, confessed judgment, sent in his bill for fifty dollars attorney's fee, collected it, then settled the judgment. From that time on he had all the firm’s law business. — Minneapolis Tridune. DR. BURTON and Dr. Gage were ministers of two Congregational churches in Hartford and excellent friends. Like many other clergy- men they loved a joke, especially at each other's expense. Dr. Gage had traveled abroad and since his return had been delivering a course of lectures upon Old World subjects. One of the lectures—on Palts- tine—had been thought not so interesting as the others, and on its second delivery many of the auditors withdrew before it was finished. Not long afterward Dr. Gage’s house was entered by a burglar. Dr. Gage was giving Dr. Burton an account of the affair. ‘* Why, Doctor, Thad him down flat on his back ; I held him there; he couldn't move an inch." ‘Good 1" said Dr. Burton, ‘ But what a splendid opportunity that was to have delivered to him your lecture on Palestine !"— Argonaut. A Renewable Term Policy THE PROVIDENT SAYINGS LIFE ASSURANCE SOCIETY OF NEW YORK, HOME OFFICE, Equitable Building, No. 120 Broadway, Is the safest, least expensive and fairest contract of life insurance in the market. One-half the rates usually charged. SHEPPARD HOMANS, President and Actuary. WM. E, STEVENS, Becretary, =z») NE Palmer House, Chicago. Send for Prospectus or callin person. The | Great Unknown MATINGRS wep. T. vibwne. Times. MAY BLOSSOM AND “Un UNLAP X Co silo corvuiacrim. CELEBRATED HATS, —axp— Ladies’ Round Ha: And The Dunlap Silk Umbrella. 178 & 180 Fifth Avenue, bet. 22d & 234 Sts. and 181 Broadway, near Cortlandt St, YORK. G14 Chestnut St., Phila, $B Agencies in all Principal Cities. Gold Medal Awarded, P DALY'S THEATRE. Every Ev'og ot 8.15. Aucustin Day's New Farcicat Courpy HE GREAT UNKNOW! Ase cessful beyoad all doubt Thoroughly entertaining; merrily amusing.” indorsement of public enthusiasm." — alified success." —Press. PARIS EXPOSITION, 1889. HIGHEST AWARD (THE GOLD MEDAL) For Furs and Fur Garments and Bonnets ‘AT U Heartiest Sun. 4 ROSES are entirely new ‘Odors. Hellotrop. and White Rose old favorites, - Stearns’ Fine Perfumes ROUX a CO. OeTsOlT, WH} ARE YOU is the Soctety The St. Augustine News §.i%,Seetety excelience of the South, | Its clientele places it in the front rank as an Advertising Medium. Address: F. G. Barny, General Office, Utica, N.Y. GEO MATHER’S SONS RINTING INK 60 JOHN STREET, N. Y, THIS PAPER !S PRINTED WITH OUR SPECInL + LIFE - INK. 133 FIFTH AVE DEcoRATION Furniture Currains WAS RECEIVED BY A. JAECKEL, Furrier, 11 East 19th St., sear Broadway. STATIONERY ? “EW voRY NEED OF FINE Ask your dealer for the papers manufactured by the Wuhit- ing Paper Company, of Holyoke. rect for all the uses of polite society. made in rough and smooth finish, cream and azure—a _beauti- ful paper for high-class correspondence. ial is unequaled for purity of stock and easy writing qualities. All dealers can supply you with Whiting’s Standard papers. New York Offtes, 150 and 152 Duane St. You will find them cor- Their ‘ Standard” is Their No. 1 quality comicbooks.com