Life — February 14, 1889 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Bi SESORS AT NiLLv SPRINGTIME WOES. NOW, the sunny days are coming, Claribel is full of woes ; For the price of every walk’ is Five new freckles on her nose. — Buffalo Express. ew Liprary ATTENDANT: Who is that serious young man who comes every day to look over our file of old almanacs? An astronomer, isn’t he ? Limrarian : Not at all. Accident Nev New York Girt: Why do you dislike Macbeth, Miss Lakeside ? Cuicaco Girt: Because tragedy seems so commonplace to me. You know my papa has a slaughter-house.— Journal, “You won't go to heaven if you're such a naughty boy, Michael !” “Oh, well, one can’t expect to go everywher went to the circus yesterday, and to the pantomime the day before !"— Punch. Mr. Goin: You have owed for those diamond earrings for three years and have never thought of paying me. I'll make you a prop- osition: Pay me immediately and I'll deduct one-half from the bill. Mr. Brass: Your proposition is kind, but I'll make a better one. Wait three years more and we'll be quits.— /ewe/er"s That’s Freshwit, the paragrapher.— strange affliction happened to a Minnesota couple who were sleigh-riding. "The young man’s right ear and the lady's left ear were frosted, while the other two were not cold at all. Why all four ears were not frosted is a problem which has been submitted to the high school class in physiology.— Helena Herald. “WELL, William,” said Mr. Hardhead to his new confidential clerk, ‘‘ you are in a first-class position now at a good salary. I shall expect you to be faithful and diligent ; in fact, to make all my inter- ests your own. It won't be necessary, however, for you to make love to the typewriter. I'll attend to her myself."— Terre Haute Express. MR, SILBERSTIEN (on zuhom the sheriff is levying) : Mein gracious ! can'd I hev a leedle more time, mein frent ? THE SueRtrr: Not by a blamed sight ! executions by ‘lectricity you've read of.— Puck. ‘Can’? you put a poor, starving man in the way of getting a bite of bread ?” asked the tramp, as he presented himself at the door of the house where lived the humorist of the local paper. “Why, certainly, my poor man,” said the kind-hearted wife of the humorist; here's a cake of yeast which you are perfectly welcome to.” “But I can’t eat yeast, ma’am.” “No; but perhaps you can raise some bread with it; we do.” And the hungry man lifted his hat, and retreated in the shadow of a smile that was sublime.— Yonkers Statesman, Who is it, Parker? N: It's that Lor-rd Sevenrich, me leddy. Misses CazENOvE (breathlessly): Show him up! Tue New Man: All th’ daily papers did that this mor-rnin’, savin yure presence, but Oi’ll do it again, if ye say so.— 7ime. This is one of them CELEBRATED HATS AND LADIES’ ROUND HATS. 178 & 180 Fifth Ave., bet. 22d & 23d Sts., and 181 Broadway, near Cortlandt St., Hair Packer's Tar Soap used as a Sham- oo will work wonders in curing andruff and Itching, and preventing Baldness. 25 cents. Druggists. Luudbore, PERFUMES Palmer House, Chicago. JOHN PATTERSON & CO., Tailors and Importers, Patterson Building, Nos. 25 and 27 W. 26th St. NEW YORK. STERN BROTHERS. Are now exhibiting their First Importations COTTON DRESS MATERIALS Consisting of Embroidered Scotch Zephyrs, French Sateens, Scotch Ginghams, Cachmere Sateen Robes, Combination .Ginghams, also Printed Challies, Crepe de Venise, And Exclusive Styles of Printed NEW YORK, 14 Chestnut St., Phila. India Silks, Bengalines and Burmese Silks, Entirely New Colorings and Effects. All of which at VERY ATTRACTIVE PRICES. 32 to 36 West 23d St. EDENIA and Goya Lily. Na uaasPIANOs C.C.BRIGGS 3.02 5 APPLETON ST. BOSTON MASS. MANUFACTURERS OF RAND: -SQUARE--8--UPRIGHT VA GRACEFUL DESIGNS +» SOLID (NSTRUCTION MATHLES\ TONE -+ BEAUTIFUL TINISH.