Life — January 24, 1889 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A. E. GUELPH, ESQ. HE career of Albert Edward Guelph, who has for many years held the re- munerative position of Prince of Wales, demonstrates forcibly Dr. Katenjam- mer’s theory of elective heredity as formulated in his profound and exhaust- ive treatise concerning the judicious selection of their parents by the young. Mr. Guelph’s parentage was admirably chosen. His father's name will never be forgotten so long as men wear frock- coats, and his mother’s position in so- ciety has been a direct advantage to him in bringing him into contact with the best people. As a child, Albert caused his parents little trouble or anxiety, and he had ac- cumulated a large package of Reward of Merit cards, inscribed : ‘* Tolittle Albert, from his Affectionate Sunday-school Teacher,” before he was ten years of age. These circumstances, to be sure, are probably due to the fact that he did not attend the public schools, receiving his early education under the Rev. Dr. Birch, rector of Prestwich; Mr. Gibbes, barrister-at-law; the Rev. C. F. Farrar, and Mr. H. W. Fisher. All of these gentlemen not only received fair salaries, but have had their names handed down to posterity in the encyclopedias and royal biographies, because their pupil became such a prodigy of learning under their guidance, with further instruction at Edinburgh, Oxford and Cambridge. Even at this remote period from their teachings Mr. Guelph is able to write an address upon a basis laid out by a secretary, that, being revised and corrected by the secretary afterward, is a specimen of composition not unworthy of a high-school senior. The duties of Mr. Guelph’s position at present consist in the laying of corner- stones, the booming of actresses, the ex- tension of courtesies to visiting prize- fighters, the holding of levees when Mrs. Guelph is indisposed, and the bestowing of the precious boon of an interview upon American public men. Nor is this office asinecure. A hen that had laid as many eggs as Mr. Guelph has corner-stones would take the prize at any poultry show; and whenever a distinguished American visits England, the report of what Mr. Guelph said to him makes from one to three col- umns in the distinguished American’s local newspaper upon his re- turn home. ‘he levee is also often a physical strain, Mr. Guelph frequently being obliged to stand up for an hour or two in succession while those fortunate gentlemen who are considered worthy of the honor are permitted the exaltation of passing before him attired in knee-breeches, of bowing humbly before him, and then of backing out of his presence in a position of reverence. Nine-tenths of the persons who participate in this ceremony at this advanced stage of human development are higher moral types than the man they abase themselves before; three-fourths of them are his intellectual supe- riors, and two-thirds are better men from a physical point of view— all of which goes to prove what a great man Mr. Guelph is. LIFE'S GALLERY OF BEAUTIES. No. 2. A. E, GUELPH, ESQ. (The biographer, at this point, was about to introduce a few sage reflections upon the superiority of man educated under the noble system of government outlined in the Declaration of Independence, and to philosophize a trifle concerning the higher order of man- hood in this proud Republic, when he happened to recall the visit of the Prince of Wales to this country in 1860, upon which occasion our sturdy Republicans groveled like Britons, ‘The circumstance that the biographer has also recalled in time the fact that most Americans who visit England esteem it the highest privilege of their lives to. be allowed to contort themselves at that same ceremony, in proud line with the subjects of old Mrs. Guelph, must be our apology for refrain- ing from patriotic eulogium.) ‘To continue the sketch of Mr. Guelph, however, it is only neces- sary to add that when his mother ponderously treads the golden stair, he will assume the responsibility of kingship, when his salary will be raised and he will be, if possible, less useful and more respected than he is at present. comicbooks.com