Life — November 22, 1888 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PLACARD FOR ANGLOMANIACS. ITH reverence view this token— This—aw—thing with single glass ; For none hath like it spoken Since the days of Balaam's ass. . . . (aa is progressing rapidly in her efforts to de- Galicize the language. For instance, the army no longer refers to the night patrol as the patrouslle, but as the truppenthetlennachtigspaziergang, which, we are sure, is a far more impressive word. . . . CONCERNING AMATEURS. HERE'S Mrs. Van Gorn. I hear she is going on to the stage when she returns from Europe.” “1 don't believe it —in fact, proof posi- tive exists against the truth of the report.” “What is that?” “She is still living with her husband.” . . . T is doubtless a knowledge of the fact that every one “vi. can see through it, that causes the window. pane. . . ELVA: One lesson is enough for us, Don't you remember when Eve's can- didate made a clean sweep of Paradise ? . . . E recommend the Equal Rights party to come down to the plain prose of every-day life in their next campaign. As they have no luck with romantic Belvas and Lindas and Cynthias, it might be well to try some simple Mary Ann or Eliza Jane. \ . . . BY AINING cats and dogs is surely no worse than hailiag strangers. . . AN ENTRY IN OUR DIARY. NOVEMBER 7TH—The Country licked by the liquor. ~HE circumstance that the last victim of the White- chapel murderer was heard singing “Sweet Violets” just before she met her death, at once solves the mystery that has thrown London into uproar and changes the status of the gentleman who assisted her to shuffle off the mortal coil from that of a monster to that of an enlightened philanthropist. It will doubtless be discovered that the seven former victims of the gentleman were addicted to’ nefarious melodies of the same nature that proved fatal to the last, so that the Whitechapel paranoiac deserves to walk down the vista of immortality arm-in-arm with Florence Nightingale and those others whose mission in life has been to minister to the happiness of mankind. . . . N OW that a new President has been elected, the next most important office to be filled is that of Private Secretary, and already the name of the prospective occu- pant of this proud position is heard in the land. And we are not sure that it is not preferable to be the Private Secre- tary rather than the President. The Private Secretary has just as much personal glory as the Chief Executive: he can sass great men, and the President will stand by him; the opposition papers will assert that he writes the messages to Congress; his personal friends will believe that he is the power behind the throne: he travels in private cars, and gets his name in all the newspapers; the reporters refer to him as the “ handsome young Secretary,” although he may be nearer fifty than forty; the waiters in the restaurants are humble and obsequious; he goes fishing with the President, and he does not have to work half as hard or be called half as many hard names. Yes, it is better to be right than President, and better to be Secretary than right. . . . BOSTON woman who bought a carpet ten days ago in Chicago, sent it back yesterday. The pattern was so loud it woke up the baby. . . . UDGING by the number of knots it makes the fleetest ship afloat seems to be courtship. . . . F the professional walking-match fiends could only be in- duced to perform on a treadmill, it would save the world a good deal of wasted energy. But then, you can never draw a crowd to look at any work that’s useful. . . . OUR FRESH AIR FUND. $6,069.08 $.00 $6,074.08 Previously acknowledged “The Peanut” . Total comicbooks.com