Life — September 27, 1888 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

- LIFE: BOTH IN STOCK, LD LADY (to druggést’s boy): I want to git a lettle paint, boy. Boy: Yes'um; face or fence? HIS CAPACITY. ND what do you expect to make of your son when he comes of age, Mr. Smith?” “Oh, I don’t know,” replied Mr. Smith, despondently, “1 think he'd make a good hus- band for a rich girl.” OLLEGES make their graduates noted by de- grees, A GOSSIP'S SOLILOQUY. OL HERE be some things I'd like to know, And these be what they air: If Sarah's teeth be false or not, And Martha dyes her hair? Now, Sarah's teeth were good enough Until a year ago, When they began to bother her, And now she has a row. And Martha's hair began to turn Three years ago, July, But yet there's scarsly one gray hair To see, hard as I try, And then, sometimes I really think Our parson’s dead in love With ‘Siah's girl in Bostin town— And yet, he seems above Sich nonsense, too—I can't make out About these things one bit; I think, and think, all day and night, But nothin’ seems to hit. Last Sunday, Brother Solomon Talked about Judgment Day ; How dreadful solemn it would be, And how it wouldn’t pay To hear the thunder rollin’ round, And all our secrets told ; But I am really not afraid— In thunder I'm real bold. For then I'd know ‘bout Sarah's teeth And Martha's turnin’ gray, And all the parson’s love affair— So, /'d like Judgment Day ! John Sydney. AT THE INQUEST. HE CORONER: I believe you were a friend of the deceased? THE WITNESS: Yes, sir. THE CoRONER: Also that you are believed to resemble him ? THE WITNESS: Yes, sir. THE INQUISITIVE JUROR: In what respect ? THE WITNESS: We were both bald-headed. THE CORONER: Was the deceased as bald-headed as you are? THE WITNESS: Yes, sir. ‘THE CORONER: How long have you known the deceased ? THE WitNEss: Something like twenty years. THE CORONER: Were you very well acquainted ? THE WITNESS: Yes, sir. We very frequently dined to- gether and afterwards went to the theatre. THE CORONER: Where were you on the evening of the 21st of September ? THE WiTNEss: At Niblo’s Garden. THE CORONER: In company with the deceased ? THE WITNESS: Yes, sir. THE CORONER: Please tell the jury what occurred on that occasion. THE WITNESS: We had dined together at the Union League Club. The deceased asked me if I wanted to go to Niblo’s to see a new piece called “ Mathias Sandorf,” and told me that he had a brace of seats in the front row. 1 said I would like to go. We took a cab and drove down, THE CORONER: What happened then? THE WITNEss: After the curtain went down on the first act I asked the deceased if he didn’t think we had better go out and get a drink. THE CORONER: What did he say? THE WITNESS: “ Why, cert!” THE CORONER: After that, what happened ? THE WITNE We came back. THE Coron After that? THE WITNESS: The act opened with some very clever variety business, and then the ballet came on. I noticed that my friend seemed very much agitated, that his eyes bulged out, and that after he reached his opera-glasses he kept them glued to his face for a few moments, and then began to seem very strange. At last he began to gasp for breath, and between the gasps I heard him say, “Great Heavens !—old man—I really—believe—there’s a girl—under forty—" and then he dropped dead. Metcalfe. é ss ax comicbooks.com