Life — August 30, 1888 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

- LIFE: SUMMER STUDIES IN NATURAL HISTORY, THE CAT. HE peculiar resonance of the cat, dear reader, is a phenomenon which often calls itself to the attention even of those who are not ordinarily close observers of Nature. This resonance, whether in the living animal pour- ing forth his mad passion to some insensate object, or in the post-mortem form of violin strings, is in either case equally worthy of note. There are those who are not fond of violin music, and would rather hear the live cat perform upon its own internal organs than listen to the most eminent of wrtuos? ; but these people are few and may be disregarded in our gentle studies. In the case of the cat, the close observation to which I have invited you may be made the means even of material profit, as the following well-authenticated instance will show. A frugal-minded young man, living in a boarding-house, had noted that when the nightly love songs of the cat were long prolonged, his fellow-lodgers and persons in the ad- jacent houses made the unintentionally offending cats the targets for a vast amount of bad marksmanship. The young man observed that the missiles were at first articles of small value, like beer-bottles, condemned foot-gear, soap-dishes (the property of the various landladies), and similar objects. As the supply of ammunition grew low, and the would-be slumberers became more desperate, greater recklessness prevailed in the selection of articles to aim at the cats, In the early morning, the owners of these missiles went forth—if going forth is a term which may properly be applied to going into backyards—to search for the articles of value which, in their rage of the night before, they had used as projectiles. The frugal-minded and observant young man was wont vait until, through fatigue, the cats desisted from their making, and then, having placed a hat in a conspicu- ous place, where the uncertain light gave it the semblance of a cat, took up the refrain where the cats left off. The mad- dened neighbors rewarded his efforts with objects of real value, by which he profited greatly. Various methods of dealing with the resonant qualities of the cat have been suggested, the most ingenious one being that of a mild-mannered and philanthropic physician who, when kept awake, would allure the cats with bits of meat, and then administer to them hypodermic injections of mor- phine. This proved to be rather inhuman, as all the cats in the neighborhood contracted the morphine habit, and by their nightly demands for the deadly drug made life unbear- able for the corner druggist. Even this method is better, though, than the other of con- cealing dynamite in meat fed to the cat, and then hitting the confiding animal with a brick. By this system the cat is apt to be too widely diffused through the neighborhood. The resonance of the cat, my reader, was implanted in him by an all-wise and ever-kindly Nature. Just why, no one knows; but, because Nature did it, it must be right, and we should not oppose our puny efforts to the onward march of her beneficent purposes. Metcalfe. A LIMIT TO BRAVERY. FFICE-BOY (fo edttor): Dere'’s a two-hundred-an’- fifty-poun’ gent outside, sir, wid red spots on his eyes, wot wants ter see de editor. E R: I'm no coward, James; show him right in. Orrice-noy: He says he wan's ter kerlect a bill. Epiror (aghast): Great heavens, James, tell him I've gone to the poorhouse to visit my dear old father! POET talks of “Two Ways of Love.” One of them doubtless is the bridal-path. HERE is a great deal of billing and cooing done at the seaside. The hotel men do the billing. A SHORT STORY. Miss Walton: You ODIOUS CREATURE !—I DARE SAY ‘TIS THE BLOOD OF INNOCENT BIRDS THAT STILL ENCRIMSONS YOUR HANDS, Mr, Nimrod: \ Witt NOT ATTEMPT TO DENY IT, BUT You— you WHO UPBRAID ME, IT SEEMS, ARE £ilding fish in cold blood! This tvas the first bite she had that day, and she caught him, Wedding in January. comicbooks.com