Life — August 9, 1888 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

- LIFE: A FAMILY AFFAIR. (PRIVATE THEATRICALS.) <7 AILY that night we played our parts Of lover and of maid. The play? I scarcely know, but hearts, Pierced by a pair of Cupid's darts, Loved on all undismayed. tee And what a varied lot of ills We had to undergo ; Our parent's wrath, which seldom kills— Deaths—doubt—suspicion— missing wills— Nearly three acts of woe! Css! Se tsN, \ 7 But as the play approached its.end All evil turned to good ; Each enemy became a friend, Our hearts were then allowed to blend, As at the first they should. SERVING AN OLD FRIEND. OUNG MAN (fo edstor): I sent a little poem here yesterday, sir; my name is Waffles. Eprror: Oh, yes. Are you a son of Mr. Montague H. Waffles ? YOUNG MAN: Yes, sir. Ep1Tor: Well, I destroyed the poem myself—burned it up and buried the ashes ten feet deep. Your father, young man (with emotion), and I are old boyhood friends, and I love him as a brother. Bless the old boy! Tell him what I have done for him. And we, united, took our stand Well forward, to the right. With lover's clasp I held her hand, With lover's breath her cheek I fanned, And gazed, with keen delight, Within those eyes whose perfect blue Seemed purer blue for me, Upon her hair, whose golden hue Had almost made me miss my cue, And whispered, tenderly, “Dear, let's make eamest of this jest, A fact from fiction gain ; Let's put love truly to the test I said much more, but all the rest Was in the self-same strain. She softly smiled, and turned her head A little more away ; **T am so sorry,” then she said, ** Because, you know, I'm soon to wed My father—in the play.” A REASONABLE MAN. HAT is your preference, my friend,” he said to a stranger at the Prohibitionist Convention, * whis- key or anti-whiskey ?” “No decided preference,” replied the stranger; “I don’t care what kind it is so long’s it’s whiskey.” “cc HE reason Mohammed refused to go to the mountains was because the hotel rates were so high. AN ink-convenience—A pen. NONE OTHER GENUINE. INCE our last issue it has been the good fortune of one of our office-boys to achieve the most astounding marine victory of the century. While blue-fishing off the coast of Massachu- setts he had a bite which nearly removed him from the presence of the other fishers. Re- taining his grip, however, until the coast was reached, he succeeded in hauling ashore the first sea-serpent of the season, This particular office-boy is neither a heavy drinker nor a careless liar, and the giant of the deep still measures his length upon the sands for all who care to see him. We mention this incident merely to be early in the field; not to cast discredit upon future > visions of similar monsters which, in all"human probability, will soon appear in the daily papers. IT is not surprising that an alma mater should give her students a diplo-ma. A Cornet player who cannot attend the band meetings should send a subs-to-toot. comicbooks.com