Life — June 7, 1888 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

HE FAKES A LONG SMELL AT THE WRONG BOTTLE. MORNING. WITH THIS RESULT THE NEXT A BROKEN HOUSEHOLD. ‘“ ARTHA,” said a minister to his wife, “I have some sad news to break to you, and you will need all your courage to bear the burden of this crushing and unexpected blow.” “Oh, John,” she exclaimed, “and we have been so happy in our home and children!” “I know it, Martha,” he responded, hoarsely, “but whom the Lord loveth He chasteneth.”” “John, dear,” she said, with true wifely courage and devotion, “tell me what it is let me share it with you.” “A donation party.” PHILOSOPHER, who was recently lost in thought, was afterwards found in a brown study A TOUCHING EPISTLE. THIS COMMUNICATION FROM A SUFFERING HUMAN CREATURE DE- SERVES THE THOUGHTFUL ATTENTION OF EVERY CITIZEN OF THE REPUBLIC, Dear Lire: RUSTING in your fine sense of justice, I beg of you to commend and make an example of Theodore Frothingham, of Philadelphia, who lately got married. Be- ing a man of mature years, whose lonely male companions had preced- ed him into the state of bondage, instead of sift- ing the ranks of bachelor dom for surviving con- temporaries to serve him as ushers, he frankly begged his married friends to do for him in that capacity, and loom- ed up at the altar sus- tained by a group of patrons who know how to feel for him. Frothingham did right. Lend your influence, dear Lire, to the adoption of the custom that a bride more than twenty-eight years old shall be .imited to a single bridesmaid, and a groom of thirty two shall be privileged to call for the help of his married friends, and entitled to their assistance. Your help in this matter I ask not from any tenderness for brides or grooms, nor from a disposition to facilitate their marriages, but sole y out of consideration for the surviving friends. A man who is half way through his fourth decade, as I am, is a survivor among his contemporaries, and finds availability for matrimonial pageants a source of considerable inconvenience. ‘Take my own case. My near friends, except one or two, were married off years ago, and I helped them with right good will. I have now as many scarf-pins and match-boxes as I can possibly use, and when some acquaintance in whose fate my interest is not absorbing asks me to leave my business and go with him to some remote spot to help him get married, I do not go with- out rebellious feelings. He would not ask me if it were not that his friends, like mine, have joined the majority, and I would excuse myself if I did not appreciate the awkwardness of his position. Frothingham’s scheme was a good one. share. Make the married men do their Senex. * * * NION COLLEGE has got a president at last. He is coming from Rochester, a city that belongs to the International League, and supports a fair nine. His methods are said to be thorough and his experience ample. * * * fe is painful to learn that two men who were offered ‘‘ Bones” this year had previous engagements. And the Yale fence is going, too! Poor Yale! What will the end be? As to the fence, by the way, it transpires that the donor of the building that is to take its place is a woman who wants to com- memorate her son. Why doesn’t she leave the fence in memory of him? * * * R. ARNOLD left only £1,040 behind him, If he had spent part of the time he passed in disliking this country in acquainting himself with the methods of the Standard Oil Company and the grape-sugar manufacturers, he might have learned to make sweetness and light pan out richer. * * * ITTIS the voice of Captain Robert T. Cook, of Philadelphia. Listen ! “‘T see no reason why Yale should win this year. Harvard has a fine stroke.” Incidentally to which it is reported that the haste of the Yale student who was severely hurt last week by a post that he ran into in running for a train, was due to his desire to get to New York in time to take advantage of the market before the effect of Captain Cook's remark wore off. comicbooks.com