Life — November 17, 1887 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

- LIFE: A WARNING. ~HE subjoined communication has been sent to this office by one of Lire’s most valued correspondents. It is in no sacrilegious spirit that we offer it to our readers, but in that spirit which prompts us to do our duty. We do not even vouch for its authenticity, but, we may add, it need occasion no surprise if it be officially acknowledged by the A. B.C. F. M. SPRINGFIELD, October, 1887. Dear LorD:—Please find enclosed majority report. We beg your careful con- sideration of thesame, and earnestly invite your co-operation. Any suggestions as to minor points under consideration, we shall be glad to receive from you, but we beg to remind you that the report in its essential details meets the approval of a majority of our members, and we shall feel constrained to consider any radsca/ alteration of doctrine as an unwarranted interference with our established prerogative, and shall treat it accordingly. Pray do not misunderstand us. Individually, we entertain nothing but the kindest feelings for you. As an administrative body, however, we are compelled in all frankness to say that your conduct, construed in the light of modern liberalism, is ot all that we should desire, and we beg to suggest, with all possible delicacy, that if you find it impossible to sanction the report which we herewith present, there are members of this Board well qualified to administer the affairs of the Universe in case you should see tit to retire to the happy obscurity of private life. But this is a contingency which we devoutly hope to avoid. Any change in the administration af present would be highly detrimental to ovr interests, as well as to your own, and for that reason we urge upon you the following reasons why you should give the report your official sanction : I,—It embodies the true idea of a literal hell of fire and brimstone, and in this con- nection we wish to call your attention to the magnanimity of this committee in refusing to insert into its articles of belief a solution of gun-cotton and dynamite. Such an innovation is, as yet, premature. Be good enough to advise the committee on this point. II.—It presupposes the death of Mercy with the destruction of the world—a doctrine rigidly adhered to by our forefathers, in 1620, and one which a conservative body like ours cannot afford to overlook. III.—It affords a reasonable presumption that in the future state the members of this board and their sympathizers will have the exquisite pleasure of looking down from a state of exaltation upon the interesting writhings of countless millions of Heathens —a comfortable and sustaining belief to the average orthodox New England puritan. IV.—It receives the approval of a majority of this board. The force and significance of this last proposition will strike you at once. This is all we have to say, except to remark quite incidentally that we don’t think the Pharisees were such very bad fellows after all. We heartily re-echo their sentiments in congratulating ourselves that we are nof like some other men whose names we might mention. We await your favorable reply, gently reminding you once more, in a spirit of deep * humility, that any opposition on material points will inevitably result in your immediate removal. Yours in sincerity, Tue A. B.C. F. M, WS, T is all nonsense about a leopard not being ‘able to change his spots. We never knew a leopard to remain in one spot more than five minutes. Natural history is quite a specialty with us, 275 AT THE FERRY. Thar goes my ** But Dll catch it!” “Who says T can’t jump?” If the blamed thing ain't a comin’ in!" comicbooks.com