Life — October 27, 1887 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

‘ 4 SOCIETY MOVEMENTS. Washington Szuare, Mr, T. Donovan-Shaley; CHARMING Miss LEONORA, THE FALLING LEAVES REMIND US THAT CARRYING IT TO EXTREMYSS. N Englishman known as old Wemyss, Was exceedingly troubled with dremyss ; So rather than sleep, Awake he would keep And torture himself with big schemyss. SCRAPS. HERE is a yellow dog in Cincinnati that refuses to walk under Foraker’s photograph. * . . HE Republicans in one of the counties of Illinois have found an old stump that Lincoln sat on one day while squirrel-hunting, and they SUMMER IS O'ER, I SEEK MY ULSTER AND YOU YOUR FUKS, SWEET SUMMER GIRL, au revoir! Propose to nominate it for ANOTHER SEASON, LET US HOPE, WILL FIND THE SAME BLOOM UPON YOUR CHEEK, sheriff of the county. EXTRAORDINARY REVELATIONS. T had been Lire’s intention to abstain from active participation in politics this Fall. Con- vinced that Editor Schevitch's vote for himself could not by any possibility gain for him the prize; satisfied that Henry George would talk himself to death before election; per- suaded that the present incumbent could dono more than ruin the Siate if continued in office, and resigned to the possibility of having the Son of his Father at the helm, we had not deemed it worth while to enter into the contest without kid gloves, All this is changed by the revelations of a night. We have investigated the career of Frederick Dent Grant with the following results; and after} the reader has perused the record carefully let him ask himself the question: Can I vote for one who has been guilty of these things ? The indictment is as follows : 1, Three weeks after Frederick Dent Grant was born he, with malice aforethought, yelled from three o'clock in the morning until just before breakfast, thus depriving his weary mother and overworked father of their well-earned rest. 2. When Frederick was five years of age he wantonly and cruelly shook the sawdust out of his infant sister's doll. 3. At the age of seven, while with his father in the field, the Republican candidate, with several other lads, formed a scheme which, for audacity, is without its equal in the annals of enterprise. In the neighborhood of his father’s camp was the apple orchard of a poor but honest farmer, The latter retired one night the possessor of some three hundred and sixty kreen apples to rise the next morning entirely destitute of the cores of Adam's fall. On the other hand, a well-developed cholera epidemic had broken out in the families of all the generals with small sons, and foremost among the sufferers was Frederick D. Grant. 4. At the age of ten Frederick left home one Sunday morning for Sabbath-school, and was observed returning in the afternoon with a long string of fish. 5. Shortly after his twelfth birthday there is reason to believe that this recordless candi- date, violated the confidence of his own father's cigar-box, and, when asked by the family physician to account for his subsequent illness, avowed that it was due to an excess of cream and strawberries at the Sunday-school festival. 6. Although Mr. Grant never chopped down his father's cherry-tree, the preceding count shows what he could do ina line in which Washington is popularly supposed to lack strength. Now, we submit that, beginning with so horrid a record of youthful depravity, the ma- ture manhood of such an one cannot but be irrevocably stained, and if any self-respecting man; with these facts in view, can vote this Fall for the Son of his Father, he must be strangely wanting in patriotism and love of good government. E of our esteemed contemporaries asks, “ What role will General Boulanger take next ?” We should judge from his name that it would be a French roll. ABOVE PA. “Now, ALICE, AREN'T YOU ASHAMED ?”” “Yes.” “WELL, WHAT ARE YOU ASHAMED OF ?”” “Hae cttamep_oF MY Pal" comicbooks.com