Life — July 7, 1887 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

- LIFE: Av NLLy IRST OMAHA DAME: Are you not afraid your boy will get run over? SeconD OMAHA Dame: Oh no, indeed. He's perfectly safe. First OMAHA Dame: But he rides his bicycle on some of the most crowded streets. Isn't he in constant danger from horses ? Seconp Oana Dame: Bless you, no. All the spirited horses run away as quick as they see him.—Omaka World. SouTH AFRICAN juries are not always very A girl was charged at the Riversdale Circuit Court with administering polson to the family which she served. The first verdict returned was * murder.” “Impossible,” said the judge; ‘no one has been killed!” The jury went back, and returned with a verdict of “suicide.” ‘But the girl is still alive!” expostulated the judge. On this the jury gave it up; and returned a verdict of * Not guilty !"—London Truth. Two young ladies were sitting together in a street-car. One of them was very pale and thin and seemed to be suffering. At the next corner the invalid got up and left the car. A gentleman who had been sitting opposite said to the remaining lady : “Excuse me, Iam a physician, I perceive your friend is an invalid.” * Yes,” was the seply, “she has a heart trouble.” ** Probably an aneurism.” “No; a West Point cadet."—Ex. 13 “BEAUTIFUL!” said the drummer. “Sixty birds in two hours, and only missed two shots.” A quiet gentleman sitting in a corner of the hotel office put down his paper, rushed across the room and grasped him warmly by the hand. ‘* Allow me to congratulate you, sir,” he said; "I am a pro- fessional myself.” “« Professional sportsman ?” ““No; professional liar."—Ex. “GALS didn’t go sparkin’ round at your age when I was a gal,” said Grandma Threescore, severely ; ‘they didn't know what a beau was till long after they were growa women.” “Girls had Boaz in the time of Ruth, long before you were born, grandma,” said Edith demurely. “Ruth was a widder woman,” said grandma, triumphantly, and then she bent her head and peered over er spectacles, waiting for someone else to tackle her on Bible ground.—£x. A RARE BIRD. British BuMMER: Rawther lonesome, aw? Will you allow me to introduce myself? Colonel Bullerly Snatheley Guster, of the Nine- ty-second foot. » Fought in the Soudan. AMERICAN TRAVELER: Glad to meet you, sir! Very glad to meet the only man, who did any fighting in that campaign.—7id Bits. Omana Mepiust not an American Omana Man "He says you “Dot is drue.” “+ He says the name of that country is Germany.” + Dot vat so; it vas Sherman, ‘The spirit who is now here tells me you are birth.” He vas right.” ere born in another country.” ‘. rere ama tried all the rest. jo she knowsitsthe best, And we laugh with delight when she thers it ger us. “The Ladies’ Favorite.” Pure. Purifying. Emollient. A laxury for shampooing. Cures Skin Diseases. THE PACKER Rize WierbicKeRe Ae Eoabaieawriens, | CELEBRATED HATS Lundbords Perfume EDENIA. Lundbord's Rhenish Cologne. SENT FOR TRIAL, POST PAID, JexrapX Co Ze a AND LADIES’ ROUND HATS. 178 & 180 Fifth Ave., bet. 22d & 23d Sts., and 181 Broadway, near Cortland St., NEW YORK. set ee = | Palmer House, Chicago. 914 Chestnut Pyid People of refined taste who EYES desire exceptionally fine cig- arettes should use only our Straight Cut, put up in satin | TWENTY-FIVE CTS. LADIES’ TAILOR, Habit Maker and Hatter, ellevue Ave., Newport pea. AND - fhemmpurie) 99 19 East 24st St., N. Y. Riding Habits cut on new safety principles. Braide Gowns, Coats, Jackets and Ulsters in original designs. Riding Hats from the Jead- 9 2 ; : ing London Manufacturers. NCERIAN | 26 SELECTED PEWS | ST EEL P ENS | Ivison, Blakeman & Co. | 768 & 785 Broadway, ‘Are the Best.| xew yvorx CROSBY’S VITALIZED PHOSPHITES. Strengthens the intellect, restores lost functions, builds up worn-out nerves, promotes good digestion, cures all weaknesses and nervousness. 6 Wast ogra Sranet, Naw Yorn. For Satz sy Drvcarsts, on Mat, $1.00. comicbooks.com